Mark's Opus

Useless Superpowers [ H, PI ]

2012-01-04T22:08:00.001-05:00

- X-ray vision, works through any wrapping paper.
- Able to speak with dogs, only if dogs know Swedish.
- Ability to tell - at a glance - who is ovulating.
- Invulnerability to bullets, but only if shooter believes you are truly invulnerable.
- "Spider sense" that warns of impending freshness date expiration of milk in the 'fridge.
- Stretch-ability to reach dozens of feet in the air, if reaching for a sweater.
- Like a cat, you always land in your feet when you fall; however you also land on your eyes.
- Can tune a TV with your mind, however the sound remains set to the last channel.
- Semi-immunity to any poison consumed. It still kills you, but you know to the exact millisecond the moment of your impending demise.

Tough App Reviewer [ A T ]

2011-12-09T20:10:00.001-05:00

Good but not complete

Where is Peyton Randolph, the first elected President of the Continental Congress? Seven men served as President of Congress, well before George Washington was elected.

What about President John Hanson, the first president of the US under the Articles of Confederation? For complete accuracy there were seven other "Presidents" elected under the Articles, before the US adopted the current Constitution.

And there should be a footnote about the 1849 "president for a day" David Rice Atchison. Although the claim has been refuted, technically he could be considered to have been the acting President before Zachary Taylor was officially sworn in; a statue in his honor in Kansas City, MO says "President of the U.S. [for] one day".

Occupy Wall Street may be metastasizing [ P. PI ]

2011-11-18T01:38:00.001-05:00

Warning 'Occupy Wall Street' may be metastasizing!

I was finishing filling up with gasoline at a Mobil station near work. A clipboard-carrying black youth approached me. His attire - including béret - suggested Sociology Major with a semester or two of Art History.

He said "May I ask you a question"?
I said "You mean besides that one."
He paused for a moment, possibly realizing he may be dealing with a different IQ level than he was accustomed to.

He then asked "Do you know what 'banks' are"?

Thinking my earlier response to his question had stripped some gears in his head, I replied "What????!!"
He said again very clearly "Do you know what 'banks' are"?

Sighing inwardly, I realized this was either a very bad trick question - sort of like when you sign up to 'win' a 'free' rug shampooing at the county fair - or I was in the presence of a drug-addled sociopath. I replied calmly so as not to agitate the hipster; "yes, I know what 'banks' are".

He then said rather ecstatically, "That answer qualifies you for our survey".
"Great" I thought; "the only people who COULDN'T answer correctly would be infants, people who can't understand English, and those in 6th or 7th stage Alzheimer's".

Cursing to myself that the Venn diagram intersection of me and the above three items is a 'null set', I said "Let me ask you a question, do you know how a 'gas station' works"?

Blank stare back at me; I swear if he had gulls they would have been flapping.

"Here's how it works, I just filled my car with gas, and now I'm leaving.

(cue Foley artist for engine rev and tire screeching)

The Strutt [ Be ]

2011-09-23T11:07:00.001-04:00

I had the pleasure of going to The Strutt in Kalamazoo MI. Sort of an unusual name, it nonetheless offered very good food, a great beer selection, and what appeared to be good coffee (based on those who partook of it).

I tried the vegetarian fajita, which included eggplant - it was very good. The beers as you note include chupacabras, which was actually better than expected.

Also had a bit of a beer scoop - Craft Bräu will be brewing at The Strutt by 2012. That's why they moved out their coffee roaster.

Moderate in Maumee [ Be ]

2011-09-15T06:29:00.000-04:00

Went to the Granite City Food and Brewery brewpub in Maumee OH last night. Beers were good, nothing exceptional except the IPA; food was very good.

In summary:

Granite City Food & Brewery - Northern Light Lager - 5.5

Granite City Food & Brewery - Pilsner - 6.0

Granite City Food & Brewery - Wag's Wheat American Wheat - 6.5

Granite City Food & Brewery - Brother Benedict's Bock - 7.5

Granite City Food & Brewery - Duke of Wellington IPA - 8.5

Granite City Food & Brewery - Broad Axe Stout - 7.0

I did not try the abomination of Northern Light and Bock called Two Pull - apparently there's a whole slew of "mix and match" beers available. Note this is punishable by death in Belgium.

Nirvana in Boardman [ Be ]

2011-09-13T21:54:00.002-04:00

Let me first say I plan to update my blog more on a day-to-day basis especially when I am traveling.

It's very hard to be impressed.
Let's start out with that concept.
We've seen men allegedly land on the moon, the twin towers fall, implants surpass the 800 cc mark, and the Red Sox win the Series. So how can a simple bar/restaurant impress. Well, let me tell you, the Vintage Estate Wine and Beer establishment ( a.k.a. V.E. Tasting Lounge) in Boardman OH is amazing.

Less than 1 hour northwest of Pittsburgh, this store has 20 great beers on tap, good food, free wifi, as well as the ability to buy any beer (or wine if so inclined) in stock and you can drink it in the bar!

I had a nice conversation with one of the principals - PR - and sent him an email of the Belgian breweries and beer restaurants I have visited. I was VERY surprised that they had Poperinge Hommel Bier, one of my and IC's favorites.

So a great start to a short trip, as well as more daily blog updates. Note I still have to finish writing up a Portland OR trip, a trip to Chi-town and Kalamazoo area, as well as a west coast vacation that includes the Portland OR BrewFest.

And in summary:

New Holland - Golden Saison - 7.5

Avery Brewing - The Kaiser - 8.0

Two Brothers - Atom Smasher - 8.5

Abbaye Des Rocs - Grand Cru - 8.5

New Holland - Ichabod - 8.0

Ducato - Nuova Mattina - 7.5

Young's - Double Chocolate Stout [nitrogen] - 9.0

Moa Brewing - Moa Noir - 7.0

Breckenridge - Agave Wheat - 8.0

Why a Mac [ A ]

2011-09-09T18:18:00.001-04:00

Why do I use a Mac? Well, let's look at the 1st 9 days of September using Mcafee's iPhone "threat update App." We see one Mac issue, whereby if - when playing an infected movie and click "yes" to a permission request (that you never usually see when playing a movie) the QuickTime movie App will crash.

Compare that to PART of but ONE DAY for Microsoft and Windows.

NOTE - edited with the new native Google Blogger App for the iPhone - I like it!

Beer Tasting [ Be G H I ]

2011-01-29T09:44:00.015-05:00

Well, I finally made the plunge - I had a beer tasting event at my house. The best part was how the weather in CT wasn't helping - so much snow I had to send a parking diagram to everyone.

We had all the beers set around the dining table, with a description of each below the bottle(s). The description even included what foods and desserts went well with the beers. I had even gone to the trouble of setting some smoked Gouda cheese and bacon near the Rauchbier - smoked beer. Although it's not clear in the photo, we even had bottles of water to rinse out the tasting glasses, and even "spit buckets." As luck would have it a local discount store had beer-branded (e.g. Corona)!

My very understanding, tolerant and wonderful wife made her famous guacamole and spinach-artichoke dip, but the rest of the cooking was my job. We had foodstuffs in the following categories:

Meats: roast pork, barbecue roast pork, chicken breasts, hamburgers, smoked salmon, German bratwurst, bacon and soupy

Veggies: carrots, celery, mini corn, various olives, sweet pickles, tomatoes, peppers, coleslaw, ceasar salad (w/optional anchovies), guacamole and spinach artichoke dip and peiorgi
Cheese: smoked Gouda, Brie, Stilton, Monterey Jack and Gorgonzola
Bread: miscellaneous grains and rackers, Ritz, mini buns, corn chips, Ruffle, rye bread

Dessert: pecan pie, various cheesecakes, oatmeal-raisin and lemon shortbread cookies, strawberries and chocolate

The beers were a mix, I tried to go from Anheuser-Busch Budweiser to Brewdog Sink the Bismarck. Yes as a special treat I had the ~~strongest~~ ~~2nd strongest~~ 3rd strongest beer in the world. We used small communion cups to taste it, so as not to waste it - plus it was a sublime, nearly-religious experience!

In no particular order, as I put the beers around the table to "break it up" so to speak:

Hooker Old Marley USA CT Ale Barleywine 10.0%

De Ranke Guldenberg Belgian Abbey Ale Belgium Ale Belgian Abbey Tripel 8.5%

St. Benedictus Abbey Trappist Achel Belgium Ale Belgian Abbey 8.0%

Van Eecke Hommelbier Belgium Ale Belgian Blonde 7.5%

Franches Montagnes Abbaye de Saint Bon-Chien 2005 Switzerland Ale Belgian Strong 15.5%

Bosteels Kwak Belgium Ale Belgian Strong Pale 8.0%

Brewery Het Anker Gouden Carolus triple Belgium Ale Belgian Triple 9.0%

Coniston Brewing Premium XB Bluebird Bitter UK Ale Bitter 4.2%

Cottrell Old Yankee Ale USA CT Ale English Brown 5.0%

Weyerbacher Double Simcoe IPA USA PA Ale India Pale Ale 9.0%

Boon Kriek Belgium Ale Lambic w/cherries 4.0%

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale USA CA Ale Pale 5.6%

Dog Brewing Stillwater Artisanal existent USA MD Ale Saison 7.4%

Brooklyn Black Ops Stout USA NY Ale Stout 10.6%

Samuel Smith Tadcaster Oatmeal Stout UK Ale Stout, Oatmeal 5.0%

Beijing Yanjing brewery Yanjing China Lager American lager 5.0%

Ayinger Jahrhundert-Bier Germany Lager Dortmund 4.4

New England Brewing Elm City Lager USA CT Lager Pils, German 5.0%

Ayinger Bräu-Weisse Germany Lager Hefeweizen (wheat) 5.1%

Sünner Kölsch Germany Lager Kolsch 5.2%

Anheuser Busch Budweiser USA Lager Light Lager 5.0%

Modelo Corona Extra Mexico Lager Light Lager 4.6%

Ayinger Oktoberfest Marzen Germany Lager Marzen 5.8%

Hofbrau Hofbrau original Germany Lager Munich Helles 5.1%

Blossom Industries Taj Mahal India Lager Pale 4.5%

Heller Aecht Ochlenterla Rauchbier Germany Lager Rauchbier (smoke) 5.1%

Williams Brothers Fraøch Heather Ale Scotland Ale Pale, Classic 5.0%

So we have beers from light lagers to barleywines, alcohol from 4% to 41%, and brewery size from Van Eecke in Belgium (not the smallest I've seen) to Beijing Yanjing brewery (550 acres!). I have also tried to now (why not years ago?) put photos of beer bottles on the Net.
There were several handouts provided, some of these were just ones I made up based on an Internet reference, such as the hymn to Ninkasi, the Sumerian Goddess of Brewing; as well as many beer references. This includes (in no particular order) what beer should I drink, beer types in the beer universe, a whimsical periodic table of beer, the Beer Judging Certification Program color guides, beer CO2 amounts for those concerned with non-man-made, unstoppable global warming, the Babylonian Code of Hammurabi from 1700 BC, and last but certainly not least the Reinheitsgebot.

I think everyone had a fun time. There were some surprises, such as how much people enjoyed the Hooker barleywine and the Boon Kriek. And I was told by many that the food/beer pairing info as well as the foods available made it even more fun.

Beer Trip UK Belgium [ Be G H I ]

2010-11-28T09:27:00.014-05:00

Arrived Sunday, November 14, 2010 in Manchester UK.
[#] = beer number sampled, [B#] = brewery #.

On the drive up to Cramlinton UK, visited the Hawkshead Brewery, Staverly, Cumbria UK. [B1] They open at noon on Sundays. Great selection of beers, and they served half-pints. Tried: Bitter [1], Windermere Pale Ale [2], Red [3], Brodie's Prime [4], and Lakeland Gold [5]. Note for all the time that driving was involved, half-pints or "piffle"-sized glasses were used where possible. We also used the iPhone App "BloodAlc" to calculate our BAC; at no point when driving was it ever over 0.026%, with driving while intoxicated in the UK being 0.1% and Belgium being 0.05%.

Also visited the "Lakes District" briefly - I never knew the UK had a section of the country that looked like this.

We were told that about 1 mile away from Hawkshead was the Watermill Brewery, Ings, Cumbria UK. [B2] This is a brewpub serving the following dog-themed brews: Collie Wobbles [6], W'Ruff Night [7], Dogth Vader [8], Isle of Dogs [9], A Winters Tail [10]; we also tried Salamander Brewing's Stout Underbelly [11].

We then stopped at the Tan Hill Inn, Reeth, Richmond, Swaledale, North Yorkshire Dales, UK. This is the highest pub in the UK, in a pretty desolate area. We had the house ale - Ewe Juice [12], and from the Black Sheep Brewery tried Black Sheep Bitter [13]; also had a glass of Abbaye de Abdij van - Leffe Blonde [14] as a foretaste of what was to come.

This place is truly remote; weak cell signal, well for water, and the electricity comes from a diesel generator; and that "snow cat" is not just for show!

Monday November 15 late afternoon was a quick stop at the Mordue Brewery, North Shields, Tyneside UK, [B3] to pick up some beer - motto "what Mordue want." None were sampled as they had no setup active.

We then decided to stop in Dent Brewery, Hollins, Cowgill, Dent, Cumbria UK, [B4] the most remote brewery in the UK. When we asked a couple driving by "are you local?" I felt like I was in an episode of "League of Gentlemen" and even thought we might disappear or be taken captive by someone like Tubbs and Edward Tattsyrup.

On the way to find the brewery we found Pendragon castle...

and saw some spectacular railroad viaducts.

I was texting my son in college informing him of what could be the location where we disappear; I mean we were joking and it was funny at the time. Some of the texts didn't even make it, which did make it confusing. When we arrived as there was no one at the brewery we joked they must be out back liming the bodies of the previous visitors. No slight on the Dent Brewery mind you, the ales were great and the folks at the George and Dragon (see below) were very hospitable; it's just my bizarre sense of humor. We kept up this "disappearing tourist" theme the whole week, but also figured like Pynchon said, you "never hear the one that gets you."

As mentioned, we did not see anyone at the brewery, but did stop at the George and Dragon in Dent, which is the owned by the brewery. Tried the Aviator [15], Kamikaze [16], Premium Bitter [17] and T'owd Tup [18]. Also purchased a smart Dent Brewery shirt.

The George and Dragon is in a nice picturesque part of the UK. Maybe a good place to stay for vacation and hike the weekend.

Later that Monday night back in Manchester area tried a Wheatwood East Gate [19], Brimstitch Scarecrow [20], Woodward and Falconer Piffle [21], a York Brewery Guzzler Ale [22].

For a real treat my co-traveler opened a Belgian beer he had saved for over a decade - 3 Fonteinen Oude Geuze from 1999 [23]! This aged very well, and the harshness one sometimes may experience in some geuzes was completely absent.

Tuesday November 16 at lunch we stopped briefly at Dunham Massey Brewery, Dunham, Cheshire UK. [B5] I have been here before and even tasted a stout right from the clarifier. Picked up several beers; at dinner that night had a Whitbread Bitter [24] and an Adnams Broadside [25]. After dinner enjoyed a Dunham Massey Deer Beer [26] at the hotel.

Tuesday evening we called on Spitting Feathers Brewery, Waverton, Chester UK. [B6] The owner Matthew has a nice farm and very nice brewery. We had a good discussion on pelletized VS plain hops, and he showed the advantages of the former. He feeds the mash waste to pigs, and makes cider from apples in the orchard.

The farm also has their own bees for honey. We were so surprised to be given a case of beer - gratis - for being beer fans! Even one brand he makes only for private consumption! Tried the Devastation [27] and Northgate Ale [28] at the hotel Tuesday night. Also a Dunham Massey 2010 Vintage White Barleywine [29].

Wednesday November 17 at night at the White Hart Inn, Charter Alley, Tadley, Hampshire UK we had a great dinner at the inn's restaurant. I tried pheasant and wood pigeon, replete with real birdshot shot in the pigeon! (that's birdshot on the plate)

For beers we had Teignworthy Neap Tide [30], Butts Blackguard Porter [31], Harveys Elizabethan Ale (Heritage ale produced to honor coronation of Queen Elizabeth 2) [32], Moor Beer Company's JJJ IPA [33] and Palmers of Dorset Best Bitter [34]. As always, none of these beers were put on an expense account, just the food and cup of decaf. Later in the hotel we had Mordue Brewery IPA Proper Maha Raj Bitter [35] and a Dent Porter [36].

Thursday November 18 evening we stopped at the Hogs Back Brewery in Tongham, Surrey UK [B7] which had quite a beer store. That evening we had a Moore Beer Company Peat Porter [37] and Castle Brewery Hung Drawn and Slaughtered [38]. A glass of Hawkshead Organic Stout finished the night [39].

Friday afternoon November 19 on the way to the ferry stopped in briefly at the Hopdaemon Brewery Newnham, Kent UK [B8] which was unusual in that there was no sign. Picked up some of their beer for maybe later; certainly bottles are shippable; FedEx be damned!

(NOTE FedEx and UPS will ship wine all over the world, but not beer. So you call it "wine" and they ship it. If there's at least one bottle of Barleywine Ale, it's not technically a lie). Any beers not tried will be sent to me for a beer tasting party sometime in December.

Friday evening we met at the Brouwerij Van Eecke, Watou, West-Vlaanderen Belgium [B9] for a tour with retired brewery employee Michel R.

We had a nice tour and history of the site - which started in 1862 - and a couple of glasses of beer at the café (not pub) next to the brewery. Tried a van Eecke Blonde [40] and a van Eecke Kapittel ABT [41].

We had a great chat about beer and work and the history of the area. Michael said we should be sure to see the cemeteries from the "great war.

He also realized he had picked up my co-worker a few years ago when he was on a tour of Belgian breweries with his friends. Some of them had set out to walk to the brewer from the hotel, and a brewery employee went out to get them so they would not have to walk so far - it was Mr. R - small world!

Friday night at the Palace Hotel in Poperinge Belgium I had to be on a conference call at 9 PM local time, and the Internet connection at the hotel was dead, and that goodness for my iPhone which allowed me to email files for the meeting and run the meeting!! After this call we tried a van Eecke Poperings Hommel bier [42], Rodenbach Rodenbach [43], Chouffe Dobbelen IPA Tripel [44] Saint-Bernardus Tripel [45], van Eecke Kapittel Pater [46], Verhaeghe Nunnbier [47] and Lefebvre Hopus [48].

We wandered outside in Poperinge, speaking to several highly-intoxicated individuals. NB - Belgians like their cigarettes and beer. We along with numerous other night owls found some sort of falafel/gyro place - ambrosia!

Saturday morning November 20 found us present at a birth. Not a person or animal, but a new brewery. We met Björn at the Brouwkot in Gullegem, Belgium. [B10] However, the Brouwkot (Brew Shed) now had a more elegant name - Gulden Spoor. This refers to the gold spurs used by Belgian cavalry to repel the French.

The young guy was a very enthusiastic brewer, and in my opinion an engineering genius. He had "compressed" a bottling line to be much smaller than as it was made from the manufacturer. His brewery was not at the exact location you think it is; that address was the café selling his beer. We tried a Gulden Spoor Luxuria Seven Sins [49]. We also found there was an unlisted (on Google Maps anyway) "picobrewery" - Alvinne.

Picobrewery Alvinne is also in Gullegem, Belgium [B11] and you would never find it unless you had the address. They had a huge beer shop, as well as their own beers.

Tried the Balthezaar [50] and Freaky [51] and chatted with some people on tour learning how to brew. They were impressed with my beer rating iPhone database App I wrote, as well as the number of beers tried over the years.

I also learned a great snack to "cleanse your palate" when drinking beers. Dark bread, spread with strong cheese, garnished with sliced radishes and chives. *update* Learned from Glenn C. at Alvinne via ratebeer.com that the cheese is Pottekeis.

We then drove to Drie Fonteinen (3 Fountains) in Beersel, Belgium. [B12] We tried their Faro [52], Lambic [53], Kriek [54] and Beersel Blonde [55] beers. Also at the brewery store we were able to try a new beer - Zwet.be [56] - which is sort of a lambic blended with a Stout (in my humble opinion). What was great was this was beer number 1,500 in my list of beers rated.

Earlier my co-worker wanted to have us save the 3 Fonteinen Oude Geuze from 1999 to drink as #1,500; I had said it would not be right to "force it" and Karma would take care of us, and lead us to the appropriate beer for number #1,500. And she did. We were so weirded out we forgot to take a photo!

As an FYI from Wikipedia:

Faro - a low-alcohol, sweetened beer made from a blend of lambic and a much lighter, freshly brewed beer to which brown sugar (or sometimes caramel or molasses) was added;

Lambic - unlike conventional ales and lagers fermented by carefully cultivated strains of brewer's yeasts, lambic beer is produced by fermentation from wild yeasts and bacteria native to the Senne. It gives the beer its distinctive flavour: dry, vinous, and cidery, with a slightly sour aftertaste.

Kriek - Lambic refermented in the presence of sour cherries and with secondary fermentation in the bottle.

We then left for the deBlock Brewery in Merchtem, Belgium (you gotta love a brewery with "satanbeer.com" as their URL!) [B13] There was a birthday party going on, and as we wandered on the sidewalk looking forlorn, one of the people asked if I was the guy who had emailed them.

They invited us in during a private party for an employee's 1-year-old. We shared a great free Demdermonde beer [57] during the birthday party.

I also was shown a tool they use in the brewery - a combination hammer and beer bottle opener - perfect for construction sites and where power tools and ladders are in use!

Some other breweries we stopped at but they were not open.

The includes the Bosteels Brewery in Buggenhout, [B14]

De Landtsheer Emmanuel Brouwerij Malheur also in Buggenhout, [B15] and

Huisrouwerij Boelens in Kerkstraat [B16]. These places were not open; it was late Saturday and who can blame them.

On the way to Antwerp we passed Beer, Belgium. That's right, a town named "Beer."

Once we got to the hotel in Antwerp Belgium we set out to find some good beer cafes. We stopped in at Paters Vaetje at Blauwmoezelstraat 1 and had a Trubadour Obscura [58] and a Boesteel Karmeleit [59].

We did find that "holy grail" for beer drinkers, the Kulminator at Vleminckveld 32, this place is classed as a "world famous" beer cafe with a "staggering range" of beers. We started with a Chimay Speciale 1983 [60] (yes from 1983, the year I finished Graduate school) and a Dupont Saison [61].

We also had a Gouden Carolus Hops Seignor [63], Westvleteren blonde (green label) [64]. Their beer selection was staggering.

They also had Westmalle Trappist [62] (the white neck beer not available outside the monastery), served reverently in it's own basket.

We walked around and had dinner and had some basic ales: a Leffe Brown [65] and a Dekonic [66]. We chatted with a couple of Russian guys who were programmers for PWC and ate at a fantastic "rib shack" - Amadeus, the place for ribs. The only downside, and you get a hint from the website, is continuous 1920's "swing music" playing in the background.

We then found another great beer café, t'Antwaerps Bierhuyske at Hoogstraat 14. Here we found Struise Breweries Black Albert [67] and a Waterloo Brewery Triple 7 Tipel [68]. The barmaid served the Belgian beers the proper way.

For those that do not know, each Belgian brewery produces their own distinctive glasses. These are used for only the beer from that brewery. As the beer is poured, a special spatula is used to "sweep" off the head of foam, leaving it flat on the top of the glass. The glass is held by the sides and carefully dipped into warm water up to about 1/2 inch below the rim - this washes the beer off the outside of the glass. The glass is then set reverently in front of you; care is taken to have the label face you.

The next morning Sunday, November 21, we set out very early for sightseeing and shopping, especially Belgian lace and chocolate. Extra care was taken to ensure proper presents for wives and friends.

I tried one piece of Belgian chocolate with cognac inside and almost had a fit of apoplexy. I also learned not to joke on FaceBook that one has no time to stop for chocolates for spouses. One would have thought harpies from Hades had been unleashed!

We later found a nice café we somehow missed the night before. At the Het Kathedraalcafe we tried a Feuillien Saison [69], and a Koningshoeven Quadrupel Trappist Ale [70] with lunch.

The place was amazing in that it had hundreds of religious icons scattered throughout.

We then drove to Herentaals Belgium.

After we checked in to the hotel we went for a walk.

Near the hotel was a nice café, the Brigand on Bovenru 59, with a very friendly staff and great beer selection. We tried Tangerlo Abbey Blonde [71], Palm Dubbel [72], a Boon Oude Kriek [73], Witkap Withal-Pater Stimulo [74],

Schlede Brewery Molse Tripel [75] (with a cute mole on the bottle), DuPont Moinette Brown [76], de Prof Gageleer [77], and a Guy Pirlot Kempish Vuur [78].

Back at the hotel Zalmn, we had dinner and after dinner had some more beer.

In order, we tried the spectacular Boon Geuze Mariage Parfait [79], Achel Trappist [80], Grobbendonk Grobbendonk Tripel [81], Slaghmuylder brewery Poorter [82], Boon Kriek [83], Chimay Tripel [84], de Koningshoeven La Trappe [85], Bersalis Tripel [86], Brugge Brugge Tripel [87], and a Cantillion Kriek [88].

The owner Frank was a genteel host and has a nice hotel; he is building a more modern adjunct down the street. He offered us a Girardin Kriek [89] gratis from his private cellar.

Monday late afternoon on the way to the ferry we stopped in at Westvleteren Abbey in Westvleteren. [B17] This is allegedly home of the best beer in the world. It is helped in no small part by the mystique. You have to call ahead for beer (good luck getting through), the monks give you the pickup time, and only 2 cases per month; they record your license plate and phone number. We watched the cars wait in line.

We had a snack of bread and cheese made by the monks, along with a Westvleteren 8 [90] and a 12 [91]. These were even better than I remembered, and frankly the Westvleteren 12 rated a score of 11 out of 10 in my book.

On the way towards the ferry we also stopped at Brouwerij St. Bernard; [B18] no beer tasting but got some beers and shirts.

We also saw a couple of cemeteries from WWI, such as Canada Farm. I'm thankful that some people still remember: "The land on which this cemetery stands is the free gift of the Belgian people for the perpetual resting place of those of the Allied armies who fell in the war of 1914-1918 and are honored here."

Of course we also saw 'sprouts! Some may refer to them as hell-infused stillborn cabbages, but I really love them.

Monday night at the hotel was time for one last beer, an Alvinne Morpheus Extra [92]. What was interesting was the beer had a definite lambic flavor, which may be part of the "Morpheus yeast" used by Alvinne. I will patiently await my shipments of beer from the UK.

So there it is, a little over a week of hard work, with evenings and weekend to enjoy beer with 18 breweries seen and 92 beers sampled. Also staying the weekend and taking a ferry to Belgium - not to mention staying in small local hotels instead of say the Cowne Plaza - saved my employer at least $900!!

My Way [ AN I PI R S ]

2010-08-09T18:33:00.019-04:00

My Way, with profound apologies to the late, great Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra

And now, as home is near,

And so I face the final worsen.

My friends, I'll drink a beer;

I'd tell you the stories, but only in person.

I've went on a vacation that was bliss -

I drove 700 miles on Scottish highway.

And as always; I'm right on this,

I did it my way.

Lagers? Ales? I've had a few,

But then again, too few to numb me.

I did what I had to do

And saw it through though others doubt me.

I planned each charted view -

Each careful stop along the highway,

I herded kittens, as they mew,

I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you heard,

Some thought I acted rough, I was a turd,

But through it all, when there was doubt,

I sucked it up and let them pout.

I let them bitch, then swerved towards a ditch

And did it my way.

I'd planned, I'd called and mapped,

I'd done all the work for this vacation.

But now, as beers subside,

I am rewarded by damnation.

To think I did all that,

And may I say, not in a shy way -

Oh no. Oh no, not me.

I did it my way.

For what is a man? What has he got?

I clipped three mirrors, that's almost naught.

Can't say the things that make him strive

Like "shut up whack-job and let me drive."

The record shows I took the blows

And did it my way.

Yes, it was my way.

Note, Mark planned a 9-day vacation for 6 family members and in-laws in Scotland and England (originally just Scotland, but to accommodate others we also included England in the trip, but ironically not the town we thought we had to see…); including hotel, restaurants (ensuring all had vegetarian dishes), and airplane reservations. He mapped out over 25 potential attractions to see, including the "time on site", as well as mapped out obscure locations to distribute his mother-in-law's ashes, such as the hidden "danger waterfalls" in Glen Nevis, Scotland.

He drove over 700 miles - on the wrong side of the road - and despite what some (wrongly) predicted (N.B. diesel fuel is not technically flammable, so while we might've died in a crash, it certainly would not be a "fiery crash" ) I only "clipped" the passenger side mirror 3 times, but so little as to not leave a scratch. Almost like counting coups among the Plains Indians.

He may have seemed like a "travel Nazi" (and me without my Nohoki bracelet) but someone had to get us from Point A to Point B to Hotel in allotted Time X. He also tried to ensure that a daily web log (blog?) was posted; as were photos.

2010 Vacation Day 9 [ G I ]

2010-08-09T07:41:00.001-04:00

On August 7 we had a great day in Windsor area. Windsor castle is obviously in Windsor, and as such dominates both the skyline and local economy. The thing to do in Windsor is of course to visit the castle, assuming the Royal Family is out. We got there at about the right time, and the line was not too long.

It is sort of nice to realize that all the trappings of royalty actually serve a purpose, to bring in boatloads of tourists. One thing I never noticed, and I have been in Windsor castle before and seen the outside one other time, is that the walls have jagged flint chips set in the mortar. This is designed I imagine to either cut the ropes or certainly the soles of the feet of would-be attackers. We did hear that one of the reasons Windsor castle was spared in WWII, was that Hitler wanted to use it as a summer home. Wow, talk about "counting your chickens."

There was only one set of "line-cutters" today, as opposed to the unwashed hordes of Spaniards at the Greenwich Observatory. From some former Soviet-bloc nation (another reason to bemoan the fall of communism and the end of the cold war) they appeared to be taking a photo, then got in line in front of us across a driveway (as the line was not allowed across the driveway, and the Windsor Castle line attendant was distracted; guess by which senior member of our entourage). Once we caught up with them, we did try subtle hints like, "I guess some people don't know the line goes back that far." However, I do not think that the sound waves from our voice could penetrate the strong odor barrier that clung to these lummoxes.

Windsor castle is as one would expect - a castle. However it is the swag inside that makes one almost swoon being overcome with the grandeur. This includes absolute one-of-a-kind works of art such as hand painted china from the mid-1700s, to jade baskets once owned by the emperor of China. And that's just what's in the "loo." Note the English - even though they speak English, it is not our 'merican English. They say "loo" for "toilet," "lift" for "elevator," "crisps" for "potato chips" and "knee trembler" for "happy ending."

There were some good pictures outside of the castle; I decided - since it would be probably more felonious and considered espionage - to forgo the use of my "spy pen" or iPhone to video tape inside Windsor. We bought a book. We also got to see some of the strapping young guards marching about. These guys were making women from 15 to 50 flush, and they had a great way of calling out before marching "Make way for the Queen's guards." A lot of tourists would stand (or crouch) in their path, intent on getting a picture. Unfortunately we saw no one trampled (which the guards will do), as enough of the castle staff kept warning people to move.

We had planned a teatime (with ale) in the early afternoon, and unfortunately the pub I had been to before would not let Avery stay, as he was under 14. It was a shame as it is next to a green that is sometimes used by the Royal family when in residence, as well as the "long walk" and "Elizabeth's walk." We went to another place, and Cindy and a few others broke off to get tea in the "crooked house" of Windsor. Some then went shopping, and some went over the Thames to Eaton.

Later we went back to the hotel, and then to dinner. We weren't sure what to do, but then decided on this small Italian place we saw. What was odd (yet I suppose in retrospect true of the many pushy Italians we met) was that we were met at the door, and the maitre de just said "no room" and walked away, even though it appeared to be 50% empty. We settled on the same place we ate the night before, the Royal Stag. The food was great, ales were great, even appetizers like "whitebait" were great. Then it was back to the hotel, where along the way I learned never to eat blackberries growing along a public sidewalk near a pub, to pack for tomorrow; as it was a 3:00 PM flight, there would be no rush.

2010 Vacation Day 8 [ G I ]

2010-08-08T03:00:00.002-04:00

Today (Aug 6) was the Tower of London and the Monument, and whatever else we could see in-between. As Cindy and I had been to the Tower about 5 years ago, I was surprised how things had changed.

The first is that there is no video taping of the Beefeaters giving their (often humorous and irreverent) tours. There was also no "tipping encouraged" hints from these gentlemen; I guess some bureaucrat decided that it was unprofessional for these yeomen of the guard to accept a tip? Who knows. And on the subject of tipping, it does take some getting used to that in Europe in general, tipping is not an everyday occurrence.

The other big change was the "white tower" had been redone inside. This houses mostly arms and armory, and was re-done to be clearer and more interactive. There was an area where kids could interact with old weaponry, such as drawing a longbow and "firing" a catapult. The armor was displayed in some cases mounted on "sprues" so it looked like an enormous plastic model kit.

The ravens were still there, although moved a bit as there was a construction project underway on the white tower as part of external renovation (saw a lot of these, probably similar to Obama's Recovery and Reinvestment Act. Unusually birds of ill omen (think "Poe" and "nevermore", according to legend the future of both Country and Kingdom relies upon their continued residence, for at least six ravens must remain lest both Tower and Monarchy fall. It is difficult to see, as the ravens can fly for short distances, but of course their wings are subtly "clipped" so they can no make it over the wall.

We also walked over the Tower Bridge to have lunch; and coming back we saw an uncommon treat; in that the bridge was up and then coming down after letting a sailboat go through. You have to remind yourself that the span was opened in 1894, and the mechanisms still work today, although the steam engines are for display only.

We then went to the Monument, which was built by architect Christopher Wren in 1677 to commemorate the 1666 Great Fire of London, which absolutely devastated the city. As I had a) already climbed the monument 5 years ago, and b) was now 5 years older, I eschewed a chance to get a certificate for the journey up and down. Evan went up, which he thought was pretty easy; well if you're a 17-year-old track star with 1% body fat, then yes I would agree.

2010 Vacation Day 7 [ G I ]

2010-08-06T02:41:00.005-04:00

For August 5 we had a bit different way of getting around, to get to Greenwich, which requires a bit of planning. We took a cab to Slough (rhymes with "sow") and did the following. Fortunately a 2-day rail pass is relatively inexpensive, and if lost by one of your children is easily replaced:

- First Great Western RR towards Paddington Station [20 min]

- Walk to Paddington tube [8 min]

- Paddington Underground, take Bakerloo Line towards Elephant & Castle [5 min]

- Baker Street Underground, take Jubilee Line towards Stratford Underground [15 min]

- Canary Wharf, Docklands Light Railway to Greenwich [10 min].

What we did do that was different is that me and the boys got off at Island Garden stop of the Docklands RR, and walked across the Thames. I don't mean like Jesus (or Chance, the gardener) but there is a Victorial-era tunnel under the Thames. We met at the Cutty Sark station near Greenwich, home of the Royal Observatory and Greenwich Mean Time.

One item to mention that was an amazing source of frustration was one could have a GPS in one hand, an iPhone with Google Maps in t'other, standing in front of an area map sign clearly showing where you were and where the Docklands RR station was and therefore easily how to get there (it's over that way behind yonder building). Yet some family members and relatives still insist on flagging down a random securityesque person (who of course says "blimey, it's over tha' way behind the building, squire"). Said encounter also requires the requisite "we used to live in England story." Now each of these delays are not great in and unto themselves, but I am reminded of the parable of a mountain that was reduced to a plain, because visitors took a handful of earth each day for centuries, if you catch my obtuse drift.

On to the University of Greenwich grounds, home to the Royal Naval Hospital's Painted Chapel. This was originally built to house injured sailors, but when completed a long time ago it was so beautiful as to become a paid attraction.

We walked past the National Maritime Museum, but we did not have time to go in. I did miss my pre-emptive attempt to approach the guard for a perfunctory "is this the way to the Observatory" (all the while surrounded by 9-foot signs pointing to what looked like an observatory on a nearby hilltop) thereby preventing my father-in-law from doing the same.

We then went to the Observatory to see the Prime Meridian, which is actually more amazing than it sounds. What was also amazing was the fuc... er, tourists that would simply ignore a long line waiting to take pictures, and jump to the front. Mostly Spaniards, but we'll speak of that later. Some tried to jump in front of us, and they seemed quite insulted at my attempts to speak to them in their native gibberish ("that's the line over there, el lino, la linee, la ligna, la cucaracha waitino" but I never said I was fluent).

After the Observatory, we walked back to the train station to head over to Big Ben. One of the other things I had to do - as master herder - was to keep distractions to a minimal and keep us on schedule. I know some of those on this trip did not like that, but my job was not to be liked but to get us from points A to B to C in the allotted time. As with guards, my in-laws have a fascinating attraction to the canus genus that borders on the pathological. I mean if I see a dog I think to myself "there's a dog." I might say to the owner, "nice dog." But to some people it becomes a discussion of lifetime dog ownership. As with the guards, this discourse may only take 2-3 minutes, but at 1-4 guards and 5-7 dogs per hour (DPH?) this can be an appreciable delay.

As two dogs approached in Greenwich Park, I (and my kids) saw them before my father-in-law. I hissed the order "distract him now" but they looked at me with blank stares, so I quickly asked "what kind of tree is this?" In a scene worthy of Hogan's Heroes, as my father-in-law turned to his left to face the tree, the dogs passed behind him to his right. My kids and I had to hold our laughter, as it was truly one o the funniest things we had ever seen.

We stopped in at a pub to have a snack, and a drink. What happened was very funny, as my father-in-law had what we call an exploding beer glass. He bumped it with his elbow, not hard enough to knock it over, and it exploded in shards of glass; probably due to a hidden stress fracture. No one injured and electronics (which got splashed) apparently none the worse.

We then went back to the other side of the Thames, to see Big Ben, Westminster, Parliment and several other buildings. We were supposed to meet my sister-in-law (as she went in to London by herself once she awoke around noon) but even the breathtakingly simple task of "meet at Charing Cross at time X" was beyond her, as for quite a while she did not know where she was. As I promised I will not dwell on the details and frustration of waiting for over 1/2 hour with two hungry kids, but suffice to say if a trip like this happens again (very unlikely) she will have to be "chipped" or otherwise equipped with a GPS tracking device.

We returned late around 9, just in time to hit the hotel bar for water and beer.

2010 Vacation Scotland [ G I ]

2010-08-06T01:50:00.004-04:00

A) Glasgow airport

B) Glasgow hotel

C) Loch Lomond for ash service

D) Kilmore & Kilbride highland games

E) Glen Nevis for ash service

F) Fort William hotel

G) saw the Commando memorial

H) Urquhart Castle Loch Ness

I) Inverness Castle

J) Balvenie castle and Glenfiddich Distillery

K) Huntly Castle

L) Aberdeen hotel

M) Brechin cathedral

N) Glamis castle

O) St. Andrews Cathedral

P) Cupar B&B

Q) Falkland Palace

R) Linlithgow Palace & Scottish RR museum

S) Rosslyn chapel

T) Edinburgh hotel, Edinburgh castle, ash service

U) Edinburgh airport

2010 Vacation Day 6 [ G I ]

2010-08-05T17:20:00.005-04:00

August 4 was a slow start, as everyone (me included) slept a bit longer. We scaled back some of my suggestions to just mostly Edinburgh castle and the castle area, such as part of the royal mile. We took a cab up as the road is really steep, and Cindy’s dad uses a cane occasionally. We got to see the setup for the Military Tattoo, a bagpipe and drum corps competition. Thankfully we won’t be there as the entire city is apparently “wild” as the hotel attendant told us.

One thing I didn’t mention was one of the challenges in driving on the lef LOOK OUT LOOK AT THAT!! (What? Where? Oh you’re speaking about the interesting building over there, and not the traffic conditions.) Yes, Cindy’s dad was very comment-ful and TURN HERE!! HERE!!!!! (no I’m following the GPS) very helpful with directing my driving.

The castle itself is mainly a museum to Scottish history, as well as the castle history itself. It has such things as the war museum, and a museum to Scottish forces in global and local conflicts. There are churches and even a cannon firing. These words do not do it justice at all.

One thing that was amazing was the absolute pushiness of some of the tourists. I’ll have to write separately but Italians and French are pushy, but no more than the worst New Jerseyians, However the Spaniards are amazing – it is as if any rules of humanity do not exist.

After Edinburgh castle we walked part of the “Royal Mile” which as near as I can tell a craftily orchestrated tourist trap. A lot of nice things, but really with the visitor to Scotland in mind. We did see a cute character in costume outside the Whiskey Museum. He was a large shot of whiskey, and although not named we christened him "Cirrosey, the Whiskey Mascot." I believe he was handing out whiskey-flavored lollipops to the kids. Avery and I went to the Scottish Monument as well.

I also tried to have a beer but in a perfect example of "reverse pendulum" was I couldn't get an ale with him in tow. The first place - Rose Street Brewery - said a child with you couldn't be under 18; I said he wasn't drinking, but the rule was "if the child can see the bar you can't bring him in." I offered to put Avery's eyes out, but I do not think the barmaid understood my humor. The next bar he could go into (he wanted to eat after all) but he had to be 14; and not knowing this I answered honestly "13." I settled for a sandwich with a Mountain Dew.

We then met up with everyone and took a cab to the airport. We arrived late but safe, on to Slough. Tomorrow London, Greenwich, and the Prime Meridian.

2010 Vacation Day 5 [ G I ]

2010-08-05T01:29:00.002-04:00

On August 3 we went to Falkland Palace. Before we left I had spoken to the B&B owner Elizabeth and chatted about such things as the "wee beasties" that inhabit Loch Ness and the Isle of Skye. I gave her a copy of the Lake Monsters book I illustrated, and she thought that was so nice.

Falkland Palace is an occupied palace. The antiquities and other items of historical significance were amazing. I thought I had been in the Brechin cathedral area before, but it was this palace I had seen. There was no photography but again I may have been able to get some covert pictures. There was also a garden with a giant checkers board. The town of Falkland was also very quaint, with some great architecture.

After the palace, we drove to the Linlithgow castle ruins. These comprise some huge remaining structures, four stories tall. The view over the local river is spectacular, when viewed form the windswept crumbling precipice. Linlithgow castle is located just next to the Church of St. Michael, with its characteristic aluminum “crystal” steeple. We had a lot of fun climbing, and Avery (true to form, wonder where he gets it) was able to unlock an iron gate on the 4th floor. This allowed a shot fo the boys that was spectacular (and totally safe, as long as you stayed away from the edge).

We left Linlithgow castle and I had seen something about “steam trains” so we made a small diversion. It was the Scottish rail museum, but I resisted the temptation to go inside. We took some photos of the outside of the trains, both running and rusted.

We then went to Rosslyn Chapel which is famous (infamous?) as the legendary resting place of the Holy Grail, placed there by the Knights Templar – at least according to the Da VinciCode. The chapel was undergoing extensive restoration so a lot of the outside was not visible, Note the way they clean the outside is to blast with baking soda; this removed decades or centuries of dirt, and impregnates porous stone and mortar with an alkali that wards off the effect of acid rain. Inside and outside the chapel are perhaps the most amazing and intricate carvings of any historic structure. There is a stone column with detailed spirals of animals going to the ark, carved by the apprentice. According to legend when the head sculptor saw it he flew into a jealous rage and killed the apprentice; then he too was hanged. Their faces are allegedly carved into the corners of the chapel, the apprentice’s includes a gash symbolizing his head wound.

There it was to Edinburgh to the ROSL (Royal Over Seas League) house and hotel. What I didn’t know was that Princes street (where they were) was not accessible by car, as the street in front was for busses and taxis only. Needless to say I was not happy with a) Garmin or b) the hotel (for not mentioning it) and c) Edinburgh city council. Anyway, let’s just say t was tense driving, but again I hit no one and nothing. I did park and went to the hotel to find that we just have to park on a side street.

Evan and I went to the airport to return the rental. When we got gas we were almost hit by some bird texting while she pulled away from the pumps! We took a cab back to the hotel and I found the views of the castle from the hotel were truly spectacular. We all went to dinner, where I had my 1300th beer (Stewart Brewing’s Holyrood). After dinner Avery wanted McDonalds, so we let both boys wander down to McD’s.

2010 Vacation Day 4 [ G I ]

2010-08-04T02:13:00.002-04:00

Today (Aug 2) we set out to see "Old Aberdeen," as it is called. I had planned to leave the hotel about 8, but I am finding this to be an admirable, albeit unreachable, goal. Unfortunately the plans I laid out do require sort of adherence to them - not like the airlines mind you but if we want to see "point "A" then travel to "point B" before noon then we sort of have to do this. Anyway, as it turned out, "Old Aberdeen" is mostly Aberdeen College, and trying to park there is like trying to park in Cambridge MA. WE decided again to leave for Brechin Cathedral in the town of Brechin. I was happy to see there was also Brechin Castle nearby, and the New Caledonian Railway.

The Cathedral would be a church by most definitions, but there was a Bishop there since like the 1300s; a Bishops sits in a chair called a "Cathedra" so even though the church is smallish for a cathedral, it is one nonetheless. It also has one of only two circular towers in Scotland, as most towers were built with square bases. The cathedral was beautiful, and had some amazing stained glass windows. There was also some Pict stone carvings in their collection. We listened to some stories from one of the church elders who happened by. He explained the history of the cathedral, such as when soldiers were garrisoned there, and why the columns on each side do not match (either bigger plans or lack of funds, or both).

We then walked through town a bit; I had been through her eon business and had seen the outside of the cathedral previously. But couldn't find some of the shops I remembered. I did have a Scottish beef and onion "bridie" (their equivalent of a Cornish "pastie" or meat pie). We drove to the New Caledonian Railway and I was prepared for a letdown as this is a tourist railway (last vestiges of the Caledonian Railway) that runs on weekends. Didn't even get to see any locomotives or rolling stock, but the restored Victorian-era station was a delight.

We then went to Brechin castle, but this was a real shock - the castle is only open 1 month a year for tours, as it is fully occupied. The owners did set up a garden shop and other retail shops on some land they sold. The god news is they had a theater/museum about the Pixcts, the first inhabitants of Scotland. They are obviously long gone now, but left behind pictograms (stone carvings), many place names, and the legend of the "lost Roman Legion."

From here we left for Glamis castle; this is a fully occupied castle that is sort of a living museum. We had a great tour although no cameras could be used. However my pen-movie-camera seemed to function fine and I'll post a movie and/or pictures once I edit it. The castle was full of absolutely priceless artifacts relating to Scottish and English history. It was also haunted, but the nun who accompanied our tour thankfully kept them at bay.

Due to timing, we (I) had to forgo visiting even briefly the St. Andrews golf museum (I mean what's so special, just the birthplace of golf), as well as the Dreel Tavern, which was supposedly one of the best true taverns in Scotland. Buit we had to keep everyone (especially that certain someone) happy. Of course it staggers the imagination to not understand if driving from Glasgow to Fort William to Inverness to Aberdeen to Cupar that we as a group would be together in the same car, and there would not be a lot of "me time." But I digress. Again.

We had a minor problem with the B&B we had arranged, as one guest decided to "stay on" as owner Nick put it. However he arranged a stay for some of us at a place about 7 houses away. Run by a very charming lady (with two hilarious Jack Russell terriers) we had a great stay. She told us a story about a calf they adopted when the mother wouldn't keep it, as it was born at an odd time of year. They raised it in the basement for 6 months!

I also had to really bite the inside of my cheek to keep from making a joke when the lady's aquarium sprung a leak. Not at the leak, but what she said. She told us (and I am not making this up) how her son was an engineer with BP, and when she called him, the best he could suggest to stop the leak was to put some plastic cling wrap on the inside of the tank (which did little). The lady applied some bar soap to the outside of the tank which seemed to stop the leak temporarily; at my suggestion she used a hair dryer to harden the soap. It worked, I guess BP should've called us a few months ago.

2010 Vacation Day 3 [ G I ]

2010-08-02T01:53:00.002-04:00

Leaving Fort William, we proceeded up the A82 past the unimaginatively named Loch Lochy past Loch Oich to Urqhart castle on the shores of Loch Ness. This castle dates from the 6^th century in the time of St. Columbia. Although we saw a lot fo Loch Ness we saw no monsters, I think. One thing I am not allowed to write about is what happened with my sister-in-law at Urqhart castle.

As we were a bit behind, we planned to just see Inverness castle in Inverness, When we arrived, we saw it was a really modern, occupied building, so we eschewed this and some other Inverness attractions and left for Balvenie castle. This one is a bit more intact than Urqhart, but not much. A really impressive structure, all of these castle even more impressive when you realize this was built sans cranes, bulldozers, etc.

We also stopped at the Glenfiddich distillery, as it is about 1,000 feet from the castle. Although modern in the inside (no photos) the buildings look quaint and old; the visitor center is the original distillery from over 100 years ago. They sell bottles at prices up to and including 10,000 Pounds for a 50-year old scotch.

From there to Huntley Castle near Huntley (where else). We didn’t have a lot of time as the closed in about 1/2 hour, so we ran through and took lots of pictures. This castle still had some great detailed carvings left, as many castles were stripped of anything ornate (even plain stones) for local peasants to use as building materials.

We arrived in Aberdeen about on time (who was wrong to make a schedule?) and lucked out again. The hotel (Craibstones Suites) was like the Fort William hotel newly-renovated with posh accoutrements and a fantastic mini-kitchen. The Italian restaurant near us was closed, and no one at the time really wanted Spanish tapas, so we chose a Chinese restaurant.

Later Avery and I went walking to get some next day snacks. We found a grocery store that was moving, so everything (beer too) was 1/2 price. However, due to some draconian Byzantine law I could not buy beer accompanied by a minor. I was told (the girl thought 13-year-old Avery was 16 or 17) that I cannot buy alcohol with a minor with me. I thought she meant (like in the States) that he couldn’t carry it. I was told flat-out I couldn’t buy it. Weird; so we wne tnext door and he waited outside.

2010 Vacation Day 2 [ G I S ]

2010-08-02T01:51:00.001-04:00

Avery and I went out walking near the River Kelvin at around 6:00 AM. We went over the Ha’penny bridge and then back around to the hotel. We all had breakfast and left Glasgow for Loch Lomond. This is one place where Cindy’s mom’s ashes were to be scattered. There we saw the most amazing tree, and then we headed to Oban then to Kilmore for the Highland Games.

We arrived just as the rain broke – it was very sunny for about an hour. We watched hammer throws and other manly events; some of the female contestants were fairly manly, as well. Then up the A828 over Loch Etive (a one-lane converted railroad bridge) and Loch Creran (with a real two-lane bridge) to Fort William. We dropped stuff at the Nevis Bank Inn (just renovated, great score for a hotel) and then to Glen Nevis area for more scattering.

Glen Nevis is this nature preserve with some amazing scenery and a lot of waterfalls and streams. The spot chosen was on the edge of an undercut, deadly raging stream (as opposed to the placid brook Evan suggested that flows into said stream, I could see headlines now: “man watches in mock horror as spouse, father-in-law and sister-in-law perish, but I digress). This done we stopped near the foot of Ben Nevis (highest mountain in Scotland) for pictures.

We then went to the hotel, and back into town for dinner. We ate at a great restaurant, No. 4, and Evan tried Haggis (sheep heart, lungs, liver mix cooked in the stomach, very “hearty”). I had a great Scottish grass-fed steak, cooked as some know just barely.

2010 Vacation Day 1 [ G I ]

2010-07-31T00:33:00.008-04:00

This is the first vacation we have ever had as a family in Europe. It is usually the sheer logistics (and cost) that has hindered us in the past. Not that we haven't gone on vacations, such as Cape Cod (usually), Maine, Pennsylvania, and DC.

Anyway, to make this short and sweet. Home to work no problem, left car and took a limo to Logan (cheaper actually than parking there). Virgin Atlantic to Heathrow was a bit late but they made up time. Virgin was awesome as usual ( I mean what virgin isn't) with service and food that belies the cost of the airfare. And than my father-in-law for treating us to the "extra legroom" seats.

The only real nightmare so far was Customs, seems there's some renovations going on so there were like 5 people for the "non EU" passengers. And I swear there was one "swarthy" gentleman who tied up an inspector for 20 minutes; and after all that - rejected!

After that, on to the train to Terminal 5, then BA to Glasgow. The flight was a bit late, but we got there okay. The rental was ready, and the drive (on the left or "wrong" side) was uneventful, I only clipped one mirror while in the city.

The only issue was the on-line reservation with the Kelingrove, the guy was apologetic and called several times to check but he had no record (we had paid a deposit to someone) and only one room. However he called the Ambassador hotel and they accommodated us for the same rate. Cindy and I had an apartment so it was arguably a better deal.

Given the lateness we didn't plan much of Glasgow, we just walked to dinner. Evan stayed behind as he was very tired. We walked by the Glasgow Botanical GArdens,and may stop in next morning before we depart for the Highland Games.

See photos here

Texting to my Wife[ FE I ]

2010-05-31T09:47:00.002-04:00

Now that my company iPhone has texting turned on again, I can send texts.

Of course I can send them to my wife (while at a Memorial Day Parade) but if she does not read then it is pointless.
[actual text messages below]

Please don't encourage loud people if I'm taping

Thanks again

Please don't tell strangers our son's last name

Don't tell where we live please

Please, louder, the parade is almost here

Please don't talk about son's girlfriend and where she lives

Please don't give girlfriend's name to potential pedophile

- BlogPress iPhone

Solving BP's Delimma [ AN G PI S ]

2010-05-30T14:46:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to go into a long rant about BP and the Gulf oil leak, and rehash what others have said; including almost biblical levels of incompetence, and references to their Texas City TX multi-fatality refinery explosion a few years ago. No I won't mention these things.

What I will mention are some ways to contain and possibly stop the oil leak. Note this is written the same week after hearing Robert Kennedy speak at the opening session of a conference, where he railed against any "dirty" fuel (oil/coal) gathering of which this oil leak made great media fodder. But I do understand the need for these fuels, hence the offering of my decades of obscure knowledge and facts that could possibly halt this disaster and prevent similar occurrences.

1) Why not try mercury? We've heard BP tried pumping down some sorts of "proprietary high-density" fluids. Mercury is the densest fluid at the temperatures encountered. I will just about guarantee mercury will at least temporarily staunch the flow, until a more permanent cap can be engaged. What's that - mercury is toxic? I'm not saying spray it over several hectares, I'm saying pump elemental mercury into the wellhead. And so contained, there is minimal chance of sea-based microorganisms turning it into the more toxic methylmercury that finds it's way into out foodchain. Okay Dr.Teller?

2) What about lead shot? We've heard other bizarre schemes tried including "mud" (Was the well in need of a complexion re-do? Was the mud supplier Clinique?) Lead shot if small enough diameter in a slurry would be pumpable/flowable almost like a liquid.

3) Don't like lead or mercury due to toxicity? How about Osmium. Or Antimony? Or Wolfram? (Tungsten to you laymen). Trying any dense metal slurry is better than pulling on your pud while trying to blame dead subcontractors, as BP is.

4) Where's Red Adair's team when you need them? I mean this is different from burning Kuwait oilfields, but these guys are the seminal "pros from Dover." They must have ideas; certainly they ain't cheap, but nothing good ever is. Cost is irrelevant at this juncture; you need to stop the oil leak that has vaulted you into the unenviable position of leapfrogging the Exxon Valdez in terms of horrificness.

5) Why not just use explosives? I estimate a "Bunker Buster" bomb would reach "only" 60-70 MPH before hitting the seabed, burrowing into the bedrock and exploding and sealing the well. I sense a reluctance on BP's part to explore a destructive end to the oil leak, as this means no chance to reactivate the well in the future, recouping some of their costs.

6) What about the Gov'ment? (as my Mom would say). No deep sea submersibles? No wire guided torpedoes or other precision explosives deployment?No replacement for the Navy's NR1? Where's the Alvin or Aluminaut? How about deploying one of those classified atmospheric full body "hard suits" that allegedly can operate at depths of the leak?

7) How about trying cyanoacrylate (Super-Glue to non-scientists)? This glue has one of if not the greatest adhesive tensile strengths known to man. It also reacts catalytically to the presence of moisture to set a mind-numbing rapidity; so it would seal the well quite handily I'd estimate.

8) How about a combined assault, trying a "reactive metal" slurry. Lithium or Potassium metal would react with the surrounding water in a violent way, releasing H2 gas from the water, and igniting said H2; with the heat of the reaction fusing the pipes shut.

9) What about trying hydraulic cement. Note that cement and concrete do not just "dry out" to cure like a water-based glue. They form a hard mortar due to a chemical reaction which takes place regardless of whether they are in the water or not. Pumping hydraulic cement may cap the well.

10) What about trying a chunky organic slurry made from BP executives and 20£ notes? This coarsely-ground paste would react with the water, and the inherent amount of bullshit would generate elevated temperatures like a compost bin, fusing the well shut. Besides, who would it hurt?

- BlogPress iPhone

Location:In air between CO & NC

Off to Mumbai

2010-04-19T21:27:00.001-04:00

Mark is having fun with his business trip.

He found out this AM that to American Express a "direct" flight to Mumbai is via Brussels, which until recently was shut down. So we now have a flight via Abu Dhabi that gets in at 3:00 AM Wednesday.

Since we have business in the UK (which is open now) we have to get back to Heathrow on Friday. Of course the return leg of our original flight from UK to Mumbai was voided as we didn't fly from UK; this was because there were no outgoing flights. The carrier doesn't care as they can sell it for more.

Since we HAVE to be back in UK we now leave Mumbai on Friday at 2:00 AM on the only 2 seats - business class via Brussels. The price is obscene.

Posted from my 85% solar iPhone

Super Bowl [ F, PI, S ]

2010-02-07T21:55:00.001-05:00

I thought I'd try something different, and add to my blog while watching the SuperBowl.
- Same tired Geico commercial; why not say (à la the movie 'Putney Swope') "you'll save a shitload of money with us!"
- Look who's up for the Walter Payton award: when that player is not beating his wife, he helps underprivileged kids.
- Carrie Underwood changed keys so often I thing F. S. Key was spinning on his grave.
- Nice to see some of the old timers like Jerry Rice & Emmet Smith.
- I assume there's a special place in hell for those who use flash on their camera while sitting in the grandstand.
- The Doritos bark-collar ad was great, made up for that Boost Mobile travesty.
- Nice going Colston; it's not like you catch a ball for a living; oh wait - you do!
- Colts 3 - 0.
- Doritos, the "hands off my momma, and my Doritos" ad - you guys are batting 1,000!
- Colts go ahead 9 - 0; now 10 - 0. Who is winning in the office pool?
- New Orleans gets 3.
- Budweiser "bridge is out" ad - great, and how like our ant brethren.
- Ophah, Leno and Letterman in one ad? What's up with that!
- Casual Friday CareerBuilder ad with no pants; immediately followed by the Dockers ad with no pants, I don't know who put these back-to-back.
- Two beers into the game, we have about 5 minutes left in Q2. So far the best thing has been the pulled pork and guacamole.
- New Orleans is first and goal; let's see...
- "Man's Last Stand" from Dodge was sooooooo true.
- Now 3rd and goal... now 4th and goal... REJECTED. ouch all the way to the 1.
- New Orleans FG 6 - 10.
- Half time analysis and show. Let's see how the Who are doing.
- Listening the half-time analysis make me yearn for the peace and quiet that Marlee Matlin must experience.
- Pinball Wizard, Baba O'Rielly, Who are You (look Gladys, they're playing the CSI theme), We're Not Gonna Take It, Won't Get Fooled Again; Daltrey and Townshend (the last two) sounded and looked really, really great. I am sure some Cortizone and Methamphetamine (at least) helped a bit.
- Q3 here we go, onside kick, PIGPILE!
- New Orleans up 13 - 10
- ooh the game is copyrighted by the NFL, any rebroadcast or reuse is illegal. I'm sure this doesn't count.
- Quite a running pass by Manning, I guess he really earns his money; wait Colts score!
- Text 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti; text 91234 to donate $10 to me!
- Colts now 17 - 16
- For those who don't know, Lamar Hunt, former owner of the Kansas City Chiefs and founding member of the American Football League, coined the name "Super Bowl" after watching his children playing with a Super Ball.
- Colts going 4th and 2 - WOW they made it.
- Emerald nuts + Pop Secret popcorn with dolphin people (a South Park Jewfin?) = awesomely awesome!
- New Orleans scores and now up 22 - 17. Missed 2 point conversion.
- Special review of incomplete conversion, it's GOOD!!!! 7 point game 24 - 17.
- Dennys is offering a free Grand Slam breakfast. Fortunately I enjoy deep-fried rat's eyes.
- The VW TDI "Green Police" ad (soundtrack to the tune of Cheap Trick's "Dream Police") was cute and scary!!
- Tracy Porter from New Orleans 70 yard interception return; game over man, game over. New Orleans 31 - 17
- Ninja Doritos man - yum.
- Colts ALMOST score, penalty.
- And just like that it was over.

eBay (need I saw more) [ G, I, PI ]

2010-01-31T19:55:00.005-05:00

The names were shortened to protect the stupid.

This is why eBay can be hit or miss - for every transaction you have some mouth breather who asks things like "will you ship to the Canary Islands" when you plainly state US only, or they buy a used lot of items for pennies on the dollar and are not satisfied unless all items are pristine. Let me tell you about a fun transaction I had recently.

Dear mark
do you combind shipping?
stoned

In retrospect - the initial misspelling in the e-mail should've tipped me off... just as an eBay user name with "stoned" in it should've, and he's not into lapidary either. I was going to point out the obvious E. E. Cummings writing style similarity, but felt not many would notice it.

Dear mark
just recieved the gameboy games all but one didnt work. cubix dont work
stoned

Dear stoned
I would try cleaning the contacts. These games were is storage for years and to the best of my knowledge were working when put away. These are solid state game cartridges and rarely if ever fail. I would try cleaning the contacts and/or see if they work in another GB.

Dear mark
got these games also 2 worked 2 didnt. matt hoffman's pro bmx and lego alpha team dont work i tryed the games in a game boy color.please message back
stoned

Dear mark
I DID WHAT YOU SAYED AND WENT TO THE SIGHT AND CLEANED IT LIKE THEY EXPLAINED AND STILL NOTHING I EVEN TRYED THEM ON OTHER GAME BRO COLORS AND STILL NOTHING
stoned

(don't have to SHOUT!)

Dear stoned
Please return the defective games and I will refund the $1.13 via PayPal.
mark

Note this is how the math works out; I have no idea if this is just some scammer who wanted some free games, although in hindsight my bad for not just eating the $1.13, so imagine my shock when I saw not one but TWO negative marks on eBay saying (so eloquently)

"not all games worked said send it back i had to pay shipping aint worth it."
(again, so like E. E. Cummings).

I wrote one last time, just to try and explain how the real world works:

Dear stoned
When someone makes an attempt to refund 100% of the price you paid for a defective item - which as noted was not known at the time of sale - proper eBay etiquette is to either accept the refund or just "man up" and acknowledge that when buying used things, sometime onesies or twosies won't work - hence the name "buying used" as opposed to buying new. At the very least mark feedback as "neutral". I find it staggering that I graciously offered you 100% of the refund due (above and beyond what is due). At least I get a good story for my Blog about the people I have to deal with on a daily basis. Please do not respond; doing so gives me approval to publish said reply, for all to ridicule.

Which leads me here. Ten years on eBay, 100% perfect record, shot to hell.

Same Sex Marriage [ G, GY, RR ]

2010-01-17T19:13:00.001-05:00

(The following is a letter to my church on the topic of same-sex marriage)

Whether we can all ever agree on the topic or not, one thing we can probably agree on is - as Bob Dylan said - the times they are a-changin'. Now for those who attended the discussion know, I do not necessarily support gay marriage, but it is the law in CT. It wasn't when our Minister was ordained, but it is now. So one question is do we let a personal belief or view stand in the way of a law? I am sure some member's parents or grandparents could've remembered the day when Orientals and Coloreds were first given the right to not only attend all-White churches, but even to take communion and get married.

And maybe not our parent's parents: Martin Luther King wrote "In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched White churches stand on the sideline and merely mouth pious irrelevancies," He wrote this from jail in 1963. Not 1863, 1963. So whether or not you agree, certainly the view in the 21st century is gay rights are civil rights. It does beg the questions about polygamy, as Utah had to outlaw this before becoming a state, but I digress...

One of the wonderful things about America in general and certainly our church family as a whole is we can agree to disagree. I certainly do not agree 100% with anything my family, church, workplace or government does, but I "suck it up." I may complain but I do not leave my family, church, workplace or country. I do it for two reasons; the first being there is nothing that we will all agree 100% on, once that happens you have devolved to a hive mind, like a termite mound. That is the very nature of the human condition, to question, discuss, debate.

I also realize there are much, much, much bigger issues that we should not be distracted from; as an example in typing this paragraph our national deficit went up by about $5.6 million. What jobs will be left in the US in 5 years? In a thousand years or so global cooling will consume Chicago under glaciers. Of course there will be people who leave any organization, and like the ebb and flow of the tides it is inevitable. And I know we have lost – and gained – members over various things that our church offers. For example, people with children really like our child-friendly atmosphere, while I do know people no longer attend as there are too many "noisy kids." I was personally waiting for the many Hollywood stars to leave the US when Bush was re-elected, but I guess even they "sucked it up."

I would also add that I do not want our church to become sensationalized, with a line of couples out the door awaiting same-sex marriage. It would make sense to say the couple would have to be a member of our congregation to have a service in our church.

And as far as welcoming any new member, whether it be gay, straight, Polish, old, tall, Black, fat, bald, Asian, blonde, Irish, etc., I'd love to tell you a story. I was in New Orleans (pre-Katrina) years ago at a conference, and decided to go to a local church service. I so this sometime, which may surprise my wife (but isn't that our goal, guys?). Anyway, I do not remember the name of the church, or frankly if it still exists, but when I opened the door to go in, the only white things in the church were my face and the ceiling. I had a lot of eyes on me as I took a seat by myself. No one said a thing to me.

The service began, and one thing I have to say is I love the classic southern Baptist preacher. In a stentorian voice calling out things like "WHO WILL BEAR WITNESS!" and the enthusiastic congregation jumping up and waving their arm, the presence of God was palpable. I have to admit that I too "got into it" (no one can resist) and much to my surprise my actions were greeted by smiles. Not smiles of derision, but welcoming smiles. At the iced tea after service (this was New Orleans in late June) I was asked where I was from (Brooklyn CT) and how did I like New Orleans (the heat/humidity is killer on a hangover; again this WAS New Orleans on Sunday morning) but I felt very welcome regardless of any difference between me and the congregation at large.

So I personally hope that all our church members look at the big picture and let life go on, and welcome any new church family members as we always have.

App review - Snapture [ A, G, T]

2010-01-09T08:00:00.001-05:00

As part of my 2010 resolutions; I will be parroting my iPhone App reviews posted to iTunes.

I had Snapture back when it was only for jailbroken iPhones (unlocking of underlying file structure). Has a lot of great features, plus the whole screen being the camera trigger is an option way overdue from Apple.

Note to the mouth-breathers who claim the digital-zoom pictures are "blurey" or not sharp, please revise your reviews.

The term "digital zoom" means just that, a static image is enlarged, which enlarges individual pixels which affects image quality in a detrimental way. As opposed to an "optical zoom" which uses "optics" or "lenses" to magnify the image; which remains sharp and detailed. And no amount of post-processing (what you see on CSI notwithstanding) will sharpen a 5x digital zoomed photo to the quality of a Hasselblad with a Leaf digital back, even if you used a Cray XMP or IBM Deep Blue as your host!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

12 Days of Tech Christmas [ G ]

2009-12-24T21:41:00.001-05:00

I wish you a Merry Christmas and include this missive I penned... the 12 days of Tech Christmas...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a thumb drive for my PC.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, seven YouTubes streaming, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eight teens IM-ing, seven YouTubes streaming, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, nine FaceBook friendings, eight teens IM-ing, seven YouTubes streaming, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ten geeks a-Tweeting, nine FaceBook friendings, eight teens IM-ing, seven YouTubes streaming, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eleven eBay snipings, ten geeks a-Tweeting, nine FaceBook friendings, eight teens IM-ing, seven YouTubes streaming, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, twelve Blackberries thumbing, eleven eBay snipings, ten geeks a-Tweeting, nine FaceBook friendings, eight teens IM-ing, seven YouTubes streaming, six Wii a-playing, five iPhones, four Growl-ing nerds, three Phish SPAMs, two photo Blogs, and a thumb drive for my PC.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

EPA - dances with morons [ AN G P ]

2009-10-22T07:30:00.004-04:00

The EPA's Administrator Lisa Jackson recently announced (September 29, 2009) the need for a major TSCA overhaul to enhance health, safety and the environment. Jackson said:

"[a] child born in America today will grow up exposed to more chemicals than a child from any other generation in our history. A 2005 study found 287 different chemicals in the cord blood of 10 newborn babies - chemicals from pesticides, fast food packaging, coal and gasoline emissions, and trash incineration. They were found in children in their most vulnerable stage. Our kids are getting steady infusions of industrial chemicals before we even give them solid food. Now, some chemicals may be risk-free at the levels we are seeing. I repeat: some chemical may be risk-free. But as more and more chemicals are found in our bodies and the environment, the public is understandably anxious and confused. Many are turning to government for assurance that chemicals have been assessed using the best available science, and that unacceptable risks haven't been ignored."

Right....

Pollution levels 100 - 200 years ago were much greater than now.

Early 1800s - Town gas from coal drips tar into the rivers. Vulcanized rubber plants discharge noxious chemicals directly into the streams. Coal smoke chokes the air in big cities. Chemical factories operate without thought to people downwind.

Mid 1800s - Living conditions in urban areas horrify reform minded commissions in London in the 1840s and America in the 1850s and 60s. Progress is slow but the common interest in pure drinking water and sanitation is spurred by epidemics of typhoid and cholera. Smog episodes begin killing residents of large cities like London.

1940 - 1950 - Deadly smog episodes in Donora Penn. (1948), London (1952, 1956), New York (1953), and Los Angeles (1954).

Here's smoky Pittsburgh from 1940.

I mean look at the current big to-do about Mercury from US powerplants.

“Mercury emitted from coal-fired power plants comes from mercury in coal, which is released when the coal is burned. While coal-fired power plants are the largest remaining source of human-generated mercury emissions in the United States, they contribute very little to the global mercury pool. Recent estimates of annual total global mercury emissions from all sources — both natural and human-generated — range from roughly 4,400 to 7,500 tons per year. Human-caused U.S. mercury emissions are estimated to account for roughly 3 percent of the global total, and U.S. coal-fired power plants are estimated to account for only about 1 percent.”

http://www.epa.gov/mercuryrule/factsheetfin.htm

“Natural sources of mercury—such as volcanic eruptions and emissions from the ocean—have been estimated to contribute about a third of current worldwide mercury air emissions, whereas anthropogenic (human-caused) emissions account for the remaining two-thirds. These estimates are highly uncertain. Land, water, and other surfaces can repeatedly re-emit mercury into the atmosphere after its initial release into the environment.”

http://www.epa.gov/mercury/control_emissions/global.htm

Beers for Sgt. James Crowley [ E H PI ]

2009-08-12T08:41:00.002-04:00

On a scale from 1-10, Sgt. James Crowley should've requested any of these beers.

10. Black Hook Porter (Red Hook Brewing)
9. Haystack Black Porter (Portland Brewing Co.)
8. Blackstone Irish Stout (Blackstone Brewing)
7. Black Cat Stout (Portsmouth Brewing)
6. Nutfield Black 47 Stout (Old Nutfield Brewing Co.)
5. Black Forest (Saranac Brewing)
4. Black Chocolate Stout (Brooklyn Brewery)
3. Wit Black (Wit Brewing)
2. Bing Bear Black Stout (Sonoma County Brews)
1. Arrogant Bastard Ale (Stone Brewing)

Why I Jailbreak [ A G T ]

2009-08-05T07:12:00.010-04:00

Why I jailbreak my iPhone.

I want Google Voice. (GV Mobile)
I want to be able to record video on my ancient iPhone 3G. (iPhoneVideoRecorder)
I want to be to be able to tether my iPhone 3G connection to my MacBook via BlueTooth (MyWi)
I want to be able to stream live video with sound (Bambuser)
I want themes themes themes (Winterboard)
I want to force apps - when appropriate - to run in the background (Backgrounder)
I want to be able to simulate the quality of a 4 Mp camera (ClearCam)
I want 5 icons in the "Dock" (5 Icon Dock)
I want digital zoom and the option to select lighting type (e.g. fluorescent) for the camera (Snapture)
I want pictures to appear in the list of names, not just each individual entry (Cyntact)
I want to be able to download and save files from websites (Safari Download Manager)
I want to be able to email said files as attachments (iFile)

And "yes" I have donated to all who requested donations for their products.

Apple Tablet Musings [ A T ]

2009-08-03T08:07:00.002-04:00

Here is what I think the new Apple Tablet will have, and I have to admit the idea is not mine but a concept a late friend came up with about 20 years ago in design school. This is why I think the tablet will be "revolutionary".

The tablet will have a slot for the iPhone to pop in; like a PCMCIA card or ExpressCard slot. The tablet will run OSX (albeit not as powerfully as MacBooks) but be able to also run iPhone Apps on-screen. The game Apps will be upscaled so they will still look quite good on the larger screen.

The Tablet will also use the iPhone's 3G/Edge data connection, as well as the WiFi connection, which will keep the Tablet's pricepoint lower.

For those without iPhones, there will be an accessory "cage" (maybe 3rd party) with a slot for your phone's SIM card and WiFi support.

Earth to the Moon

2009-07-20T22:59:00.001-04:00

"Houston, Tranquility Base here; the Eagle has landed"

Had a more stirring phrase been uttered before? If you are near my age you remember this like it was yesterday.

And if you were me you would know this excruciating bit of trivia: the command module Columbia was named in an homage to the Columbiad cannon used to shoot men to the moon in Jules Verne's classic From the Earth to the Moon.

We won the space race, but to what end? One could have conjectured that - based on plotting a graph of progress over the years - that we'd have colonies on Mars by now. There are those who say we have enough "issues" to spend money on here on earth; why should we go to space. Probably the best answer is resources. Asteroids provide an enormous amount of metals for potentially a lower cost than mining on earth. And an ice asteroid can provide almost limitless amounts of water.

My only hope is that we return to the moon and establish bases there and on Mars. One thing to remember is that someday a large asteroid will be on a collision course with earth. Only a group like NASA could try to develop something like the atom-bomb-powered Orion spacecraft.

-- Post From My iPhone

iPhone 3.0

2009-06-24T10:29:00.001-04:00

IMG_0006.PNG

Well, I guess images do not paste with the new OS 3.0 "cut and paste" feature...

-- Post From My iPhone

Palin Please

2009-06-15T22:22:00.000-04:00

After the great David Letterman joke about "white trash" methinks it would be best if Governor Palin just plain STFU. Don't you get it; Dave was making a joke about your bimbo daughter getting knocked up AGAIN!

She already had an illegitimate kid, so what is one more "among friends". Obviously you did not get the subtle irony.

-- Post From My iPhone

EPA Gaseous Emissions [ G P T ]

2009-04-18T08:10:00.001-04:00

The US EPA has now officially concluded "carbon dioxide..." is a "major hazard to American's health. I certainly hope they are right, and that they manage this program with all the alacrity of the SuperFund program. I mean that had certainly done well...

-- Post From My iPhone

Watching Watchmen [ F G ]

2009-03-06T07:19:00.001-05:00

First off I have to note that seeing any movie – even if it sucked – on an IMAX theatre spoils you for anything else. Fortunately, Watchmen didn't suck. Not by a longshot. The only thing that sucked was the start time, 3/6/09 at midnight.

From the opening montage showing the (fictional) evolution of costumed crimefighters spanning pre-WWI through the Kennedy assassination up to Nixon's 5th term (yes you read that right), Watchmen grabs you and immerses you in it's lush tapestry of detail, action, violence and story.

Things like the re-enactment of motorcade being shot at in Dallas (and we finally see who the shooter on the grassy knoll was) all the way to the denouement (which was devoid of the book's manmade-telepathic-squid-monster-that-seemingly-teleports-to-New-York-from-another-dimension-uniting-all-world-governments-in-fear) look so good, so real and full of detail and life that you forget you are watching a movie. It feels like you are looking out a big picture window.

Without any spoilers, the plot is that in the US, superheroes (aka masked vigilantes) have been outlawed due to public outcry ("who watches the Watchmen"), so they either give up fighting crime or work for the government. Someone is picking them off one-by-one, and it is up to some that remain in contact to try and figure out what is happening.

Very good mystery/sci fi combo, with also very good characterization. One of the best was the anti-hero Rorschach (named for the Rorschach inkblot test that he wears on his mask. A sociopath/psychopath, the good news (for most of us) is he turns his rage and anger towards criminals. When arrested after being set up, he reminds the other prisoners (some of whom he put there) "I'm not locked up here with you, you're locked up here with me".

There were a lot (40% +/-) of women there, many with other friends and not as couples. Part of this was the love story between the girl known as Silk Spectre and Dr. Manhattan, the glowing blue guy who is the result of a nuclear accident and who is so powerful that he is almost godlike. In fact the US winning the Vietnam war is the direct result of the Viet Cong's deification of him.

This is not a movie for any pre-teens, violence is on the level of the film 300 (also directed by Zack Snyder), sex is sporadic but detailed, and there's a lot of adult topics. All in all a great way to spend an evening sleep deprived.

USeless Air redeux [ A ]

2009-03-01T12:11:00.001-05:00

It may seem like I pick on them, but they invite it so; actual email
from USAir. {Note my comments in brackets}

We're bringing back free drinks On March 1, we're bringing back free
drinks in our Coach cabin. {because no one was paying $2 for a can of
warm soda} This includes sodas, juices, tea, coffee and water on all
US Airways and US Airways Express flights.

We believe in our pay-for-what-you-choose-to-use – or "a la carte"
– business model {if we didn't some idiot executive would lose the
ginormous bonus they got for this hare-brained scheme}, but it's a
work-in-progress.

We are committed to remaining competitive {also note US Airways
President William Douglas Parker gets 1.47 million a year} and that's
the main reason we have decided to bring back free drinks. {most of us
still hate you, drinks notwithstanding}

You still have the choice to only pay for the things you want – like
checked bags, Choice Seats or First Class upgrades. {how about
arriving on-time, or enough legroom to let the "boys" breathe?} And,
those services will continue to be free for our Preferred members.
Always get the latest news and our best offers at usairways.com.

sent from my iPhone

Test iPhone [ G ]

2009-02-18T22:23:00.001-05:00

I have been remiss about posting but I plan to remedy that. Besides going over my 2008 predictions and a few other things; I wanted to try an iPhone blogging app.

MySpace Fails [ AN PI ]

2009-01-02T17:54:00.003-05:00

I have a MySpace page just because everyone else does, and they have an iPhone app as well. Apparently I posted some pictures and one was deleted.

"We had to remove an image (or images) from your account because they violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 13, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence, material protected by copyright)."

To that I say "FAIL" as my content had none of these...

iPhone Battery Life [ A G T ]

2009-01-02T10:34:00.002-05:00

Here is something I have found that can affect battery life in an iPhone 3G or 2G, OS 2.2. I noticed it when I showed someone live video from my my home Webcam, then shut off my iPhone and put it in my pocket. About 20 minutes later I noticed the phone was warm and battery was down quite a bit.

If you go to a Web page that has a live video feed, and just exit Safari I think some background process keeps Safari updating the screen, consuming battery power in the process.

What I do when exiting Safari is to close all but one of the Safari windows, and make sure it is not dynamic content, like a Webcam or WeatherUnderground live animated weather map.

No Wonder... [ G ]

2008-11-20T12:17:00.003-05:00

If ordering lunch is this hard no wonder we are in a financial crisis! Thank goodness when I work at home my wife hides the prescription medicine and liquor the night before...

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu 10/2/2008 10:59 AM
Subject: Lunch from Beijing Star on Friday

To all,

So, two weeks ago was Demos, last week was NY Deli, and this week I'm going to the Beijing Star Restaurant - menu attached. The lunch specials are a good deal and you can substitute white rice for fried rice. Please remember to add in 5% sales tax to your order and let me know what you want before 11am tomorrow so I can call in the order. I'll leave to pick up lunch around noon so please give me your money before I leave.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mark
Sent: Thursday, October 02, 2008 11:08 AM
Subject: RE: Lunch from Beijing Star on Friday

I think I will! #23 Vegetable Lo Mein with egg drop soup, order of Shanghai Spring Roll

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu 10/2/2008 11:15 AM
Subject: RE: Lunch from Beijing Star on Friday

Your lunch special not only comes with soup but with either spring roll, egg roll, or chicken wing. I'm guessing spring roll?

-----Original Message-----
From: Mark
Sent: Thursday, October 02, 2008 11:18 AM
Subject: RE: Lunch from Beijing Star on Friday

I think that section is "soup only"?

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thursday, October 02, 2008 11:19 AM
Subject: RE: Lunch from Beijing Star on Friday

That's for #s 24-30 - you're just under the wire with #23.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu 10/2/2008 11:31 AM
Subject: RE: Lunch from Beijing Star on Friday

Okay so I reread the menu and finally called for them to clarify. Yes, only soup, no rice or appetizer with yours so your order comes to $10 with the tax.

Election Musings [ E G PI ]

2008-11-04T17:28:00.003-05:00

Depending on what happens today, we (or more accurate the Electoral College) will either elect a decorated war veteran or the first black (technically Barak actually is an African-American) president.

I do not care who wins, as we all know our vote really does not matter. However, there is one great joy, which shall be to all people, should Barak Obama be elected.

This asshole and this asshole have no choice but to shut the hell up for the rest of their lives. In fact "reverend" Al Sharpton is now helping white people who are allegedly abused by the police!

Two Fiddy [ AN P PG ]

2008-10-25T08:50:00.003-04:00

Two fiddy - two dollars and fifty cents (not "tree fiddy ") is about the taxes owed. Owed where? Well, we used to live in Danielson CT, and when we received our DMV registration renewal, it says we owe back taxes. When I called to check, I was told it was $13.84; which means using the CT municipality property tax rate of 18%, we allegedly "owed" tax of about $2.50 from 1997.

I did try and ask the Danielson tax drone what happened, and why - as we have renewed DMV registrations many, many times - why did this not crop up before? The answer - repeated twice - was a cryptic "you do not have to receive a bill to be responsible for your taxes." In CT one does not have to receive a tax bill to be responsible, and the burden of proof is on you. There is also the 15-year statute of limitations for CT personal property tax!

The NY Times wrote about this a few years ago, and apparently it happens a lot. I suppose in this case it is just cheap enough to pay it. I am sure glad Richard Blumenthal CT Attorney General is "concerned", as he did such a great job controlling the SoBe company's false health claims for their beverages, as if that f-ing matters!

So today I cannot buy the Sobe brand "elixer" drinks in Connecticut (but I suppose like many I'll just buy it in Massachusetts like I do my gas, and my liquor in New Hampshire); and I have to pay un undocumentable $13.47 to a town I lived in last millennium!

So who's running Libertarian this year?

Photo Phun [ H I PI RR R S T ]

2008-10-12T12:44:00.005-04:00

This blog itself does not actually have these warnings and ratings applicable to it per se; but the new set of photos on Flickr does. I have had the idea come to me of taking photos, and edit/caption them on my iPhone, with results ranging from a chuckle to sheer outrage (but still funny).

For those interested, I use the following programs: "Comic Touch" (for the captions); "Picoli" (basic touch-up, such as brightness) and "Magic Touch" (more advanced photo editing like selective blurring). They are not PhotoShop by any means, but amazing nonetheless.

Note that some of these programs have overlapping features as they have been developed beyond v 1.0, but I suffer from the disease appiphilia.

Electric Car Success? [ G T ]

2008-10-08T20:03:00.005-04:00

I've said it many times, and I'll say it again. the sine qua non for an electric car to succeed will be if the battery modules are standardized and easily removable; in fact designed to be removable. That way, if you are low you pull into a "filling station" an attendant pops one out and pops in a fully-charged one.

The one you dropped off is put into a charging rack (along with dozens of others) so it can be reused when recharged in an hour or so. Large warehouses (this is run by the oil companies after all, so they could use their existing gas station and distribution center infrastructure) would carry extra packs so if a "filling station" was getting low on fully-charged packs, they could call up and order more.

The number of battery modules a vehicle carries is dependent on size/cargo space: a small 2-person commuter car has 2 packs, while the larger truck or family van uses 8-10.

This way "recharges;' are as quick or quicker than filling a gas tank, the batteries are easily removed at end of life without disassembling the car, and smaller pack give some design creativity (i.e. not one ginormous pack amidships) and the weight can be distributed for better handling.

Don't F- with me! [ AN G ]

2008-09-20T07:45:00.003-04:00

One of my basic belief is the Old Testament "eye for an eye", as opposed to the New Testament's never ending love fest and pussyfication of "turn the other cheek".

Now this does not mean I make a list and hunt down and kill all who oppose me, as tempting as that may be. What it does mean is that if you fuck with me - any way shape or form - I will simply treat you as you do not exist; sort of the ultimate in passive/aggressive.

Let's look at Subaru, yes Subaru. I had the pleasure of buying my first new car when just completing Grad School. A new model - the XT - had come out. Billed as the most aerodynamic production car (at the time), I savored both the unique appearance with features like retractable flaps covering the door handles and a single wiper blade for the windscreen; plus that new car smell.

What I did not realize - and the brochures did not make it clear - was the base model DL had no rear seat! I drove the car back to my apartment in Quincy MA and was showing it to a neighbor. He thought it was a really nice looking car - but where was the rear seat?! Yes, the base model had no rear seat. Without going into the details of communicating with the dealer and Subaru NA, they said that the listing of rear-seat "headroom" and "legroom" in the brochure for this model was for "illustrative purposes only". Never mind these measurements were removed from the 1996 brochure. I ended up making my one rear seat with matching material to the front seats and installing seatbelts. Thankfully my insurance company at the time did not have it listed as a 2-seater.

So in a roundabout way it goes without saying that I will never buy from Subaru. I probably wouldn't anyway as they used to make gas-sipping frugal cars (mine got 35 MPG last millennium) whereas now they think everyone wants to go 100 MPH and get 20 MPG.

So this bring me to my current story. My dog was sigk recently, and we chalked it up to just eating something that disagreed with her. Yeah, like salmonella. It seems that some brands of dogfood were contaminated (full story here). I am so thankful for someone I work with who told me about this.

So this means I will never buy anything from Mars Petcare; including Ol' Roy and Pedigree. I suggest you also do the same.

They will also be receiving a UPS package of the remaining dogfood.

Nice Knowing You...? [ G PI T ]

2008-09-09T18:44:00.007-04:00

The LHC - or Large Hadron Collider - goes online tomorrow, around 9AM EST.

For those who do not know it, the LHC - summarizing Wikipedia - is the world's largest and highest-energy particle accelerator. The collider is contained in an underground circular tunnel with a circumference of 17 miles. It crosses the border between Switzerland and France.

The LHC - as part of particle physics study - accelerates protons to 450 GeV (GigaElectronVolts) to 7 TeV (TeraElectronVolts - that's a lotta volts); at this energy the protons (also called Hadrons, hence the name) move at about 99.999999% of light speed.

However, there are those who theorize the LHC could create micro black holes, strangelets, magnetic monopoles, magnetars, or even vacuum bubbles which which could lead to the doomsday scenario of the destruction of our planet.

Keeping in mind that during the test of the first H-Bomb, Teller thought it might actually ignite the atmosphere, turning the Nitrogen and Oxygen into poisonous NO2. Thankfully this didn't happen.

However, there are those doomsayers who postulate that the dearth of radio signals from more advanced civilizations is simply that there just aren't any. Once a civilization reaches a certain technological prowess, they invent their own version of an LHC, turn it on, and simply wink out of existence.

The LHC is due to fully power up at around 9 AM EST in the US, and I will be watching with guarded optimism. I do plan to kiss my wife a bit more tenderly, and hug my kids a bit tighter before leaving for work. I leave you with these thoughts:

First of all, given the relatively large mass of the earth, the relatively slow growth (w-a-a-a-y less than lightspeed, but still freakin' fast) of a black hole's event horizon, and the fact that electric signals travel at the speed of light, we should be able to see 2-10 seconds of the beginning of the end, if we are watching a webcam in Paris, for example.

Secondly, if it does indeed destroy the earth, France will be the first to go, so I supppose that every cloud (or black hole in this case) has a silver lining.

And lastly, when one realizes what 'hadron' is an anagram for, at least we'll all go out laughing!

---

UPDATE 9/10/08 @ 12:02 PM EST - I'm here, you're here; even the French are still here. I guess I should've read the LHC safety report ahead of time. Although when you read dismissive sentence like this "Black holes, therefore, would have no time to start accreting matter and to cause macroscopic effects" when we have never made a black hole ourselves, one has to wonder what was the basis for the conclusions it is 100% safe. And apparently if micro black holes are created, it may take years or decades to feel the full effects.

QOTD

2008-06-17T21:34:00.000-04:00

"Monkeys that have brain damage due to malnutrition will sometimes
wallow in their own feces; but that fails to explain you two" said to
my children who have made a shambles of the family room.

Climate Security Down In Flames [G P PI T]

2008-06-15T13:07:00.003-04:00

I was so happy to read of the defeat of the “Lieberman-Warner Climate Security Act”. (Not that I dislike my own Mr. Leeeebermaaaannn, but anyone who dislikes a show like South Park because they can't track what their own kids watch is a tool in my book).

Also known as the “Climate Security Act” (part of Homeboy Security?) this was an attempt to pander to the EU, UN, and various other groups. I personally applaud both the Republics and the smattering of Democrats (science/engineering VS Liberal Arts degrees?) who voted this down.

I do love, as said by Reuters “Illinois Democrat Obama and Arizona Republican McCain, wrote letters saying they would have voted in favor if they had been in town to vote.” Riiiiight. Funny I can vote while traveling, but maybe they did not want to vote the popular vote - as the unwashed (voting) masses would’ve wanted - and alienate business.

Now, before you get too upset, when I mean “unwashed masses” I am referring to someone whose knowledge on global warming they get either from sitting through “An Inconvenient Truth” or a two-minute sound bite on TV.

I assume for the sake of discussion you know the following:
- Global human fossil-fuel use accounts for about 2% of the CO2 emitted annually, mother nature provides the rest;
- There has been an historic CO2 contribution by man, but almost all occurred prior to 1940;
- NASA’s “Y2K corrected” US temperature data has the hottest year on record was 1934;
- Greenland was inhabited (and truly “green”) during the Medieval Warming Period of about 1,000-1,300 AD, which had much lower CO2 levels;
- The scientific data shown that the rise in CO2 trails natural temperature increases as an indicator, not a cause. [“Ice Core Record of Atmospheric CO2 Around the Last Three Glacial Terminations”; Science; 283 (1999) 1712-1714]

My favorite quote repeated ad nauseum was "Today's vote sets the stage for a new president and Congress to enact strong legislation that will more effectively build a clean energy economy and prevent the worst consequences of global warming," a coalition of green groups, including Environmental Defense Fund, National Wildlife Federation and Natural Resources Defense Council, said in a statement. Good for them. I hope they and their members can cut their CO2 emissions by 66 percent by 2050 without buying credits.

I also hope all know that the baseline date for the Kyoto protocol – 1990 – gave England, Germany, and Russia a major advantage. Britain had shut down most coal mines and shifted to natural gas, Germany shut down the "dirty" East German industries, and Russia got their credits by shutting down the inefficient Soviet-era factories.

Do you know that the good ol' EU will not meet their emission reductions under Kyoto? Well, they will on paper; that is why Russia signed the Kyoto Protocol recently; to market their credits to EU nations. At least the Russians make no bones about it – maybe they'll finally win the “new cold war” which is global warming.

But if you think you are sure about global warming, here’s your chance to win $500,000!

Movies Not [F H I PI]

2008-06-11T21:57:00.005-04:00

I really love movies, and sometimes the more offbeat or unusual the better. I have tried to foster that with my kids, but also being aware that age-appropriate truly is the parent's responsibility. I thought I'd list some of the movies I have seen recently, and as a special treat the top 1o movies I will never watch.

I watched Last of the Mohicans, which is a great adaptation by Michael Mann, who also directed the first Hannibal Lechter (Silence of the Lambs) movie called Manhunter. Although I'm sure the two-handed firing of dual muskets at the climax was a nod to such John Woo film as Ying Hung Boon Sik (A Better Tomorrow).

As a chick flick I saw the Nanny Diaries, which is cute in saccharinistic, puerile sort of way. But it is a sacrifice all men must make for the sake of their marriage.

We also watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which is a great, entertaining teen flick. Ray Walston as Mr. Hand is a treat, and a very young Forest Whitaker gave no hint he would one day be as good an actor as he turned out. To my chagrin (but to both my sons' delight) I forgot the film had extended scenes of both Jennifer Jason Leigh (before she had the unfortunate accident that caused her forehead to metastasize) and Phoebe Cates sans clothing.

We watched Citizen Kane, which I had not seen in over 30 years, and may have been intoxicated at the time. I really forgot how good the film was, and how close it mirrored the real-life exploits of William Randolph Hearst. Do you remember the enigmatic "Rosebud" was the name of his... puppy?

As a prelude to watching The Magnificent Seven, we saw the movie it is based on, Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai. If you want to see a great movie about honor and sacrifice, watch this 3 hour epic.

Now these are all really good, entertaining films. There are however several films or types of films I will never see, for very disparate reasons.

The Passion of The Christ - now I know Christ died for us, but so did my uncle in WWII. This movie is based on anti-Semitic passion plays from the year 400, and not, repeat not any known biblical texts. If I am in that mood I'll watch Triumph of the Will or anything from Ms. Riefenstahl.

Josie & the Pussycats - many of us know how hot the original Josie cartoon character was, almost as hot as Betty and Veronica. However, I have no desire to see this klinker.

Schindler's List - I know Mr. Schindler was a hero, but I have seen Sophie's Choice and The Man in the Glass Booth; I'd love to see The Day the Clown Cried if Jerry Lewis ever releases it. This is too much.

Psycho - A 1998 shot for shot remake of the original directed by Gus Van Sant? I have to presume there is a special corner in hell for executives that greenlight and fund things like this.

Anything by Tom Green; I do not care if his wife appears in it.

Most TV-based movies, like Dukes of Hazzard, Bewitched and Rocky & Bullwinkle. I will exclude the TV-based Blues Brothers, X-Files and South Park movies.

The Two Jakes, a sequel to Chinatown, which is sort of like filming a sequel to Casablanca.

And of course, the hilarious sci-fi extravaganza An Inconvenient Truth (at least in the context of it being a documentary).

Hillary Inhales [PI S]

2008-06-05T19:53:00.002-04:00

Since Mrs. Clinton has dropped out (with several tens of millions of
Southern Dems saying to themselves "Shoot, I ain't voting' for no
Nigrah!"); I guess the next thing we will see is Hillary on The View!
At least - unlike Baba Wawa - she'll remember who Obama is.

Green Hotels [AN]

2008-06-03T09:15:00.002-04:00

We all are constantly assaulted by “think green’ comments and admonishments. We all surely want to act ‘green’ but what does that mean?

Let’s look at hotels. Now I travel a lot, and most hotels have some sort of brochure prominently displayed about water use and re-using your towels. Now personally I think the best brochure would have a Native American with a tear running down his face while holding a polar bear cub, but I digress.

Anyway, these brochures comment on the millions of gallons of water wasted annually washing laundry, and if you want your towel and washcloth to be laundered, put it on the floor. Now I don’t know about you, but I generally wash in the descending order of cleanest areas to ‘dirtiest’ – i.e. I start with my eyelids and end up just south of my coccyx. The same with drying, I pat my face dry, then towel my hair, dry my arms, and end up by using the towel as a giant piece of dental floss, if you catch my drift.

Now for those of you with experience in either microbiology or site decontamination, no matter how one cleans an area, there is some residual contamination. I prefer to minimize my chance of catching ‘pink eye’ or some other illness.

Now, I would re-use my towels, but here is what I demand in return, Mr. hotel-chain-president.

First of all, I assume that in saving those millions of gallons of water (and associated labor) you might save some ‘green’ too (I mean the dollar green). So how about in return you pay your housekeeping staff a fair wage, and even (gasp) offer healthcare?

How about in the bathrooms soap and shampoo dispensers, so every day – no matter how well I hide the soap bar that is 87% intact – the dutiful staff finds it and throws it out replacing it with a new, lavender scented bar?

What about coffee condiments put out a la carte, so if I want a pinch of Splenda (never mind the risk) I can do that and not have to have the dedicated housekeeping person dispose of the creamer, real sugar, etc?

How about real HVAC controls that work, so I do not have to put it to 62.5 (why should the thermostat even be allowed to go that low is beyond me) to get the temperature down to about 69?

How about lights that require a room key to be inserted into a wall slot, so if I leave with 4 lights on they will shut off ten minutes after I leave. On a side note of you do this please mark some outlets – for charging stuff – as “always powered”.

But here is the real challenge: put in a “grey water” system. This is where the water from laundry is kept in a holding tank, and used to flush toilets. Now that is a really “thinking green”

Autism on CNN [G]

2008-04-02T19:49:00.014-04:00

CNN had an article on tonight about Autism. One thing discussed was the causes. You have probably heard them all: mercury as a preservative in vaccines; environmental pollution; pesticide residues in food.

Some of these we can discount based on simple science. Thimerosal, the preservative used in vaccines (contact lenses too) is no longer used in vaccines. So if that was the case, autism should be on the decline. Mercury in the environment used to be at horrific levels; at levels absolutely dwarfing that in vaccines; yet autism was less in the past. In fact, all levels of pollution (both air and water) are at much lower levels than they were decades and centuries ago. And one can say the same about pesticide residues; in fact it has been more than half a century since arsenical pesticide were used in the US.

Well, what could be causing autism, or at least contributing to it significantly. Here is a news flash for many - did you know that a woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have? Let me put it this way; due to the way the human reproductive system works, a woman at birth has – in her ovaries – every egg she will ever produce. Contrast this with a man who produces new sperm cells about every 30 days, and clears out all sperm cells within 90 days.

This fact has a profound influence on chemicals that can damage genetic material, those things classed as teratogens and mutagens. So this would mean that a woman who has significant exposure to these things can end up with genetic damage to the DNA in her eggs. And all damage is cumulative; so that even small amounts of exposure add up to a lot over time.

So what are some teratogens and mutagens? How about alcohol, cigarette and other smoking materials; cocaine, heroin, LSD, many prescription painkillers and other narcotics. Now I am not being a prude; in fact I believe in legalizing and taxing drugs.

Think of the scenario, exposure to these materials can cause genetic damage; but you may ask, women have been exposed to these items for decades centuries, why autism now?

One of the facts in the US is the increase in the average age of a woman having her first child. So the longer a woman waits to have a child, the greater the chance that genetic damage has occurred.

Now of course this concept is not frequently espoused; I mean the blame would rest solely with the mother of the child. Now again, this is just a theory, but let’s use one outspoken celebrity example.

Jenny McCarthy is an autism champion, in fact she has even cured her son of autism. And of course Dr. McCarthy knows that vaccines gave her son autism. So how does Ms. McCathy fit into my demographics?

She was 31 when she had he first child, well above the national average of 25. As to the other potential causes, one can decide if her on-screen persona matches her real life.

US Air Fails [AN]

2008-04-01T22:27:00.003-04:00

I have nothing left but anger. Anger and sadness. My US Air flight to Newark is now in Allentown PA. I sort of figured we'd have to get fuel as I swear I could hear the engines sputtering!

Through the miracle of technology that works, this was sent from my iPhone.

I'd also like to tell the guy a few seats back that even though he is calling California, he does NOT HAVE TO SHOUT even though he is far away from whom he is calling.

Update - 9 hours from Pittsburgh PA to Newark NJ.

Useless Air [AN FE PG]

2008-04-01T06:29:00.005-04:00

I should have known it would be a bad travel day. I mean, to start it off, it was US Air. I know I could call them “Useless Air” but that is a cheap shot. I could call them "Uvula Air" (the “useless” appendage hanging at the back of the throat) but that would be too cheap and easy. "Urethra Air" gets closer to the mark. How about “Incompetent f-wads Air” or “Flaming sack of sh-t Air” as each accurately describes them.

Remember – in libel or slander cases, truth is the final defense. It is not libelous as I can guaran-frickin-tee you that I could easily amass several thousand signature of people that agree with the above assertion.

Anyway, my flight to Pittsburgh was gone. It never existed. One could say “canceled” but that implies there was an intention of the flight actually taking place. I think they offered this direct fight merely to let people think it actually existed. Then they cancel it so their Philly and Newark flights will be full. My evidence is twofold: 1) there was no information available as to why the flight was canceled. Sunspots? Beri Beri among the pilots? Spontaneous dental hydroplosion? No idea. And then 2) I am supposed to get some sort of message from AMEX or US Air that the flight was canceled. It is supposed to be e-mail but I think they write it on a scrap of paper and throw it in the street hoping that I will find it.

I was put on the 3:30 PM Philly flight , that was now leaving “around 5:00”. Note that in US Air-speak “around 5” means really 5:59 PM. That was what I thought based on the display above the gate – Flight departing 5:59. So I went at about 4:15 to get a quick bite – thinking I had plenty of time.

I returned at 5:15 to see a different flight number leaving to Philly at either 7:00 or 7:19; depending on if you looked at the gate doorway or the gate counter display. Now that is either a screw-up or one big-ass plane. I asked the lady where’s the 5:59 plane; she replied that it had left, and they had paged me.

Now one rule I have of air travel in the post-911 craze is never get mad. If you get mad you can get arrested. I’ll tell the conversation in reverse order. I asked how loud was the announcement, and where was it broadcast, as while eating I heard Southwest ask for the lady going to Philly (on-time I hasten to add) and the US Air flight looking for the guy going to Chicago. I did not hear any call for US Air to Philly, and I did note that I am especially astute when my name is concerned. I should also parenthetically add that my hearing is still good – I have listened to the “mosquito ringtones” available for teenagers’ cell phones. These are so high a frequency as to be inaudible to adults. I can still hear the 16 kHz tone, which is not bad; my wife can hear 18 kHz (note wives can often be considered “carriers” of male hearing loss; heart attacks too); my kids can hear near or above 20 kHz. The lady replied they broadcast it all over the airport. We were at a quandary to explain how I did not hear it.

Okay, so I didn’t hear it – but the best was her response to my question about the posted departure time. “Oh, you can’t go by that” was her statement. “But that’s all I got” is what I replied. Apparently if a flight is delayed, the airlines – when receiving the “go” message (how about “go to hell”?) they just GO! I did get a space on the 7:00 or 7:19 flight.

And of course two things happened. We boarded at 6:12 for a 6:30 departure, natch’. I also went to the men’s room before boarding (a personal habit) and - of course - the announcements faded to inaudibility once inside the bathroom right across from the gate.

So what did we learn here, dear reader?
Southwest can apparently fly on-time.
US Air is staffed by poltroons.
US Air does not pay their CEO enough.

Update - now trying to leave Pittsburgh for Newark NJ; and got an earlier flight. It is of course now not departing on-time and is listed as "update @ 6:00" which does not mean the flight will leave at 6 PM. Note as I site here typing Continental has had flights leave for Newark.

Cell Phone Cancer [ AN T ]

2008-03-24T21:53:00.002-04:00

Cell phones cause cancer the headline screamed. Really? I always wondered how this would happen; in other words what mechanism caused cancer from the cell phone. I mean, shouldn't we be worried about the "electromagnetic energy" from the phone??!!

It's the electromagnetic spectrum, stupid! You can't say "electromagnetic energy" as this encompasses a host of radiation types.

Ionizing radiation (gamma, X-rays, K-rays) can cause cellular genetic damage, which the body can and does repair. Your body is naturally radioactive, from carbon, potassium (and other) isotopes. Ionizing radiation does not cause cumulative damage, unless the dose is high, such as exposure to unshielded reactor fuel, atomic bomb blasts, etc. Other radiation, such as Beta and Alpha particles, can be very hazardous if ingested if inhaled. Cell phones do not produce ionizing radiation.

Magnetic radiation is similar to the earth's magnetic field. There's evidence that intense magnetic fields - such as near a dynamo or a Tokamak - cause a rare brain cancer: astrocytoma. The earth's magnetic field (800 milligauss) dwarfs magnetic fields encountered by the public (the voice coil in a cell phone).

Electric radiation are fields encountered in proximity to power lines, thunderstorms, and nerve conduction in the body. That said, exposure to almost any electric field encountered (the power supply in a cell phone) is insignificant compared to that within one's own body's nervous system.

Microwave radiation (RF, radio frequency) is used by cell phones to communicate. Exposure to high levels of microwave radiation generally produce only "thermal effects". There is some limited evidence that exposure to high levels of microwaves can denature proteins. Again, at levels way, way, way, way above anything encountered from a cell phone.

So we see there's no mechanism for a cell phone to cause/contribute to cancer. Epidemiological studies (USA, Denmark) have shown no cancer linked to cell phone use. Maybe their car is causing the brain tumor - plasticizers leaching from vinyl interiors, exposure to benzene when pumping gas, auto exhaust is a known carcinogen.

Or perhaps there's a certain % of the population that will get a brain tumor. A high % also have cell phones. It's a high probability that a person with a brain tumor uses a cell phone. You might as well say wearing glasses or contact lenses causes brain tumors. The link is circumstantial, not causative.

iBook Repair [ A G T ]

2008-03-24T20:58:00.005-04:00

Now, as wonderful as Apple products can be, they are not infallible. My son's hand me down laptop (the generational equivalent on a Cray XM-P) recently developed a problem with the display. This was not an unknown problem, Apple even had a free extended warranty. Well the problem developed out of warranty.

The problem stems from a video chip that is soldered using a ball grid array. A BGA can fail due to circuit board flexing, and there are not many options. You can either replace the logic board, send it out for repair or sell it on eBay. I had to caution my son that one has to disclose that it is not working. He did suggest that we could chalk the damage up to UPS/FedEx; but I had to explain that is not good . One further option would be to burn it.

I do not mean destroy it by fire, but to re-heat the BGA so the solder joints were fixed. Using information on this website, we carefully disassembled it, then filled a metal cap with alcohol, and set it on fire. As the fire burned, at some point the BCA connections were re-made; the display lit up and I quenched the fire letting the circuit board cool. Result - happy iBook!

Best-Ad-Ever [PG PI S]

2008-03-14T09:28:00.003-04:00

This Virgin Mobile ad will supposedly run in Toronto newspapers the week of 3/17. Thanks to the power of the Internet I got it, and you have gotten it. Although apparently not as good as Spitzer got it.

Global Whining [ G P PI T ]

2008-03-11T22:42:00.006-04:00

I have kept threatening to do it, and I have done it. Behold my Global Warming manifesto, which will amaze and captivate all. Note as a background to this I have to a Master’s in environmental science, and I can actually read and understand detailed reports and findings, instead of parroting Al Gore and his Legions of Doom.

Part of the inspiration for this article was from a visit with my mother this past weekend in Massachusetts. In a newspaper serving the People’s Republic of Easthampton, I was reading about a family who is 100% off the power grid. Now that is admirable, albeit fraught with limitations (not to mention the pollution)

What struck me was the wife (with hyphenated last name, natch) who said “The planet is in crisis, trying to shake us off like fleas," said Boyle-Clapp. "We may have no more than eight years to turn this around. The ice shelves are ready to go. This is today. It's not science fiction - this is really happening.”

No, it’s not. Remember, Global Warming is not man-made. It is man-observed.

Let’s briefly look what global warming is, and what it is not. As I learned in school in the waning years of last millennium, Global Warming is a horrifically complex, cyclical variation in the earth’s temperature, caused by factors including sunspots, el Nino, the 1,500 year solar cycle and the 24,000 year cycle of the earth’s rotation about it’s axis, like a top wobbling.

Think of how people view Global Warming. Get 100 of your friends in a room; ready? Okay ask them: pro-choice or pro-life? Red Sox or Yankees? Butter or margarine? Notice how the crowd is divided in some 50/50 or 60/40 or 70/30 division. Now ask about global warming; those who do not collapse in the fetal position in a paroxysm of fear will tell you – at near 100% - that this is the greatest danger facing mankind.

Would not a rational adult question anything where we are all in 100% agreement? In some ways it is the Arrogance of Man to assume we can easily change things on a global scale. Okay, Mark, so what is your take on what the media says? We have NASA and NOAA data, glacial data, even satellite data.

As I had noted before, the data from NASA had a Y2K error. The actual NASA data is available here, but the main summary is this: 1934 is now the hottest year on record, not 1998. 5 of the top 10 hottest years are before WWII.

There was a good article in Scientific American a few years ago, before they went and followed the masses. I have not found the article, but some of their explanations were as follows. Ocean warming data is often used to bolster the claim of Global Warming. However, years ago the water samples were taken by dropping an insulated bottle to a predetermined depth, grabbing a sample, and bringing the sample to the surface. The tiny amount of evaporation off the container lowered the temperature a fraction of a degree. Now deep water temperature reading are done by direct reading probes, the fraction of a degree difference is seen as an increase due to global warming. Weather stations seem to corroborate the fact that warming is occurring. However, there are several issues at play. The areas with the longest records – such as most urban areas – have been built up to be massive blacktop and concrete heatsinks.

Glaciers do in fact seen to be shrinking in some areas, but not everywhere. Pardoxically the temperature in many glacial areas does not exceed freezing. This is because the glacial retreat we are seeing is due to a lack of precipitation. Snow leads to packed snow leads to ice leads to glaciers. And please – to the media of this world – no videos of glaciers “calving” into the ocean when they do an article about Global Warming. This has nothing to do with Global Warming.

What about the North Pole – the ice caps are melting right? We’re all going to drown right? I read an article recently. It was entitled "Arctic Ocean Getting Warm; Seals Vanish and Icebergs Melt." It also said "great masses of ice have now been replaced by moraines of earth and stones," and "at many points well-known glaciers have entirely disappeared." Great article, however it was written in not 2002 but back in the day of 1922. The media leave out the recent Arctic ice re-freeze, characterized as a “record pace”.

A lot of people forget good ol’ Archimedes. Here’s a test. Take a tall tumbler, and fill it about half-full of ice. Fill the rest with water until the water reaches the rim, then carefully fill it until – through the magic of the Young-Laplace equation (known to most as “surface tension”) – we get the water rising up above the rim of the glass. What happens when the water melts? No rush, think c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y. No idea? The water level drops!

Yes, solid water (i.e. “ice”) has a greater volume than liquid water (i.e. “water”).

Some non-scientists will say “well, *ahem* don’t forget *ahem* that with global warming the *ahem* increase in temperature will cause the water to expand.” Yes, it will, crevasse-face, but the coefficient of expansion for water is less than that of earth/rocks, so the net effect of the global warming/polar ice caps melting combo-meal is a lowering of the ocean’s water levels. And do not worry about the South Pole. The average temperature in Antarctica is -40 F; so we would have to have a far grater catastrophe than a 1 or 2 degree rise before we panic.

But what about the satellite data? Yes, the satellite data we have is unprecedented. un·prec·e·dent·ed –adjective without previous instance; never before known or experienced; unexampled or unparalleled: an unprecedented event. Yes, unprecedented, as in such a short timeslice to be essentially meaningless. Call me when you have a century of satellite data. NASA please.

There are also several different views of what the rise in CO2 actually means. Some feel the CO2 numbers are a following as opposed to leading event to global warming.

Some also view increased CO2 as helping plants grow (remember plants "breathe in" CO2, and "exhale" O2), which will help stave off the inevitable global famine. There is even data suggesting that – by seeding the oceans with iron – we can cause a phytoplankton “bloom” which can control any potential CO2 issue we can create.

I’ll close with several personal views and observations about Global Warming. The first is that we cannot predict the weather with any reliability for the next 5 days; we cannot even be sure if it will snow, rain or drop frogs from the sky. So we think we can predict global climate over the next 50 to 100 years?

Also, apparently every believer in Global Warming does not have any faith in the Bush administration. So let me get this straight – you disbelieve everything Bush and his lackeys say, yet you do believe when government scientists at NASA and the NOAA support global warming?

Seems like such a convenient truth.

Spitzer Swallows [ P S X ]

2008-03-11T07:15:00.004-04:00

Those who have been living in Antarctica may not know it, but NY Governor Elliott Spitzer has become embroiled in some sort of "government funds for sex" scandal. Now apparently - according to an FBI affidavit - as "Client 9", Elliott paid a prostitute $4,000 for sex, plus a $300 tip. You would think that for that amount of money he would have also paid for an Acela train ticket.

Apparently in unrelated news, Spitzer may file legislation to make records for prostitutes and massage parlors confidential under HIPPA laws, citing the "theraputic health effects" of such treatments. Spitzer's office had no official comment.

I do wonder what the affidivit refers to as the client (Spitzer) wanting to take part in "unsafe acts." I hope it was not a Cleveland Steamer or a Pittsburgh Platter. The latter was attributed to Jerry Springer when he was embroiled in a similar scandal.

New Idea [FE T]

2008-03-06T22:23:00.002-05:00

Here's an idea, I had it when watching an X-Files Season 1 DV (episode Tooms).

You've heard of colorizing movies, right? This is where a black & white film is computer enhanced with color. Now some critics say this detracts from the file (sure) but proponents emphasize how it opens up a film to a wider audience. Some critics claim it is an affront to the director and writer, whose work should not be subverted or significantly altered. Now if you have seen movies cut up, sped up and significantly edited on TV, this argument is moot. My favorite - during the Nancy Reagan "just say 'no' to drugs" heyday was the immortal line in Caddyshack; wherein Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) asks caddy Danny Noonan "Do you take drugs, Danny?" "Yes sir, every day" "Good" which was reduced to the puerile answer "No sir" for TV viewing.

Next thing you'll tell me is the super hot alien SIL in in Species I & II I saw on TV wasn't originally wearing a black bikini in most scenes...

Anyway, back to my idea. In the X-Files I noticed Mulder using what looked like a shoebox held to his head to make a cell phone call. My idea is called Modernization. Like colorization, it removes anachronistic items from movies, such as 8-track players, old cars, '50s hairstyles.

Similar to what Steven Speilberg did with removing the guns from ET, it allows me to watch a movie without saying "that's a record player... that's a carburetor... no that was before airbags... yes, that's an instant picture he is peeling off... "

My next idea would be nudization, and I'll explain sometime what that will do.

You Think the Weather's Bad? [ G ]

2008-03-05T23:02:00.001-05:00

If you think the weather is bad, check this website of solar weather.

I mean, an aurora borealis as far south as Florida??!!

TSA Question [AN P]

2008-02-28T12:59:00.003-05:00

I wanted to ask the TSA representative - I think his name was "Fife" -
what should I do differently now that we are at "orange" alert.

United is Satan [AN PG RR]

2008-02-26T07:36:00.004-05:00

Everyone has been on a flight that is late. Whether it is late by a few minutes departing, or one is trapped on the ground for hours at a time, it has happened to just about every air traveler.

Now some one-time, first-time travelers, which I refer to as "mouth breathers" may not have ever experienced this, but trust me it happens. And if it is your first time - unlike the act of coitus - I do not want to hear you say over and over and over again "it's my first time". Also as a kind hint, your baby is crying due to the air pressure changes and not knowing to pop their eustachian tube - give the kid a bottle or a pacifier for the sake of my sanity. And I'll let you in on a big secret, holding a bible and praying for the duration of the flight for the Almighty (or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, depending where you stand on this "God" thing) to protect you during the flight you is not foolish, actually believing that He/She will protect you is foolish.

Anyway, so we arrive late into Denver but still within 20 minutes of the connection. We would have been in a bit earlier but the "wranglers" to help park the plane were not there?! So we get to the gate 10 minutes before departure time, to find the door closed. The United drone says - get this - "We knew you were coming but we had t close the gate." Whatthef*ck?! Was there a special award today for flights leaving early? Of course getting our bags was impossible as they were in a "holding area". I contemplated faking a diabetic fit/coma, but was too tired and hungry.

The real sad thing is that I will be flying United on Wednesday. I never learn.

Netflix is Nice [F H PG]

2008-02-24T06:37:00.003-05:00

We rent movies from Netflix. I know there is nothing too profound in that, but what is interesting is that I had signed up "back in the day" but had dropped my subscription. With the writer's strike, I decided to rent movies to fill in the gap. One of my choices of Netflix over Blockbuster was the selection. I mean where else could one find:

Rififi - This is a classic black & white jewelry store heist. You liked Tom Cruise suspended from the ceiling in Mission Impossible? Well, this movie was the originator of that scene, plus a whole lot more.

King of Kong - No, not "King Kong," neither the original, the abortion from De Laurentis, nor the decent Peter Jackson remake. This is about one man's quest to have the highest score in the arcade game "Donkey Kong", whether it be a "live" score or a videotaped score (I didn't even know there was a difference!). The best line is the young daughter of a gamer, when he explains his quest to get in the Guinness Book; she says, "Some people sort of ruin their lives to be in there."

Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter - I mean, Jesus teamed up with masked Mexican wrestler El Santos, the saint of the wrestling ring - it does not get any better than this. This movie is so bad it is great. There is one fantastic scene where - as Jesus battles a group of lesbian vampires (I can't explain, see the film) on the shore of a lake, he yells to two priests, "bless the lake!" Once the water is thusly sanctified, any vampire thrown in the water is destroyed.

Pom Poko - This movie is simultaneously a great bit of the Japanese anime genre, and at the same time probably had Jew-hater Walt Disney spinning in his grave. It is about a group of raccoons who are being displaced due to house construction outside Tokyo. As they have the ability to "transform" into animate and inanimate objects (even clothed humans), they are going to scare away the developers. What I thought was odd was the rather, shall we say - detailed - representation of the male raccoons. That is until we see (according to Japanese legends?) that raccoons can inflate their scrotums to gigantic proportions and use them as weapons!! Released by Disney on DVD in 2005, I can just imagine someone picking this up for their kids: "Oh look at this Disney film, they are going to fight off the evil construction crew... wait, what are those raccoons doing. Omigod, Bill, turn off the TV now!!!"

Elmo Mystery Solved [G PI T]

2008-02-22T13:40:00.003-05:00

You read it here first. Apparently someone has a new "Elmo Knows Your Name" toy that - after changing batteries - she thinks it is saying to her son "kill James". Now, I do not want to burst her bubble of either that toys are now sentient or that Fisher Price will pay her a lot of money, but this is what is happening.

One of the names in the database from Fisher Price is "Keir" somehow that got chosen as the name to say. It is exactly what this Elmo is saying.

It could be worse - at least Elmo didn't say "wang" or "vivia2" (sounds like "vulva") or he would be accused of sexual harassment!

Oh - and the name "clint" does not sound like Clint.

Second Oldest Profession [AN PI R]

2008-02-14T06:21:00.003-05:00

I mean a good portion of lawyers are great people. Some like this f*ck-head; are the reason this profession is despised by many. It also got me thinking, given the whore-like slavish pursuit of clients, what is the exact relationship between lawyers and prostitutes?

I mean, think about it this way; prostitution is considered by many people far more prosaic than me to be the worlds oldest profession. Let's suppose that a long, long time ago a woman in this line of work was "stiffed" by a client. She tried to collect her payment (which depending on the era may have been coins, talents of silver, polished beads, dried chunks of clay, or stream-polished stones) and was not able to.

She mentioned this to a friend, who suggested she seek help from someone who dispensed judgments, or the law-giver. This person convinced the ex-client who owed compensation to pay the woman. Once the payment was made, the law-giver took a percentage of the fee recovered as payment. And so the first plaintiff/lawyer transaction took place.

It is even interesting to note that when prostitutes needed help collecting payment, the law-givers who were going to offer this service were said to be "lawing-her" shortened to "law-her"; hence "lawyer".

Computer (in)Security [A AN I PG PI W]

2008-02-12T20:48:00.000-05:00

Now you probably read a lot about identity theft, and may have trouble sleeping at night. The first thing is you have better odds winning the lottery or being hit by lightning, assuming you are not an idiot.

What I mean by that is do not reply to an eBay or bank request for your password to be verified; do not send information to that British lawyer who has discovered you are the last surviving relative to the Duke of Cornwall (you didn't know that?), and above all set your computer to not allow guest access.

You see, what I sometimes do to alleviate boredom when traveling is to check the network to see what other servers (i.e. laptops) are on the network. Now as I use a Mac, I do not worry about the security of the computer. Yes, before you start, I know Macs have some potential security flaws, which are usually fixed quickly. And a Mac never got infected from surfing a website, nor opening a .JPG or .PDF file, nor from playing a Sony/BMG music CD with a "rootkit" infection. A Windows PC is notoriously insecure, but I digress...

Anyway, when you see a computer on the network, just try and log-in. My favorite is when "guest" access is open or they have the ID of "guest" on, but the password (which is "guest" also) is pretty easy to guess. I have also seen "Admin" (ID & password) and "Test". I even ran across a laptop which looked like it might be someone else from my employer! I connect and reviewed an address book, and sure enough it was! When I told IT, they just said something to the effect that "oh yes, all the Service techs in that Division have their laptops unsecured, so they can share files easier".

Anyway, I have had fun over the years. Whether it is getting someone's Qatar wedding photos or downloading the entire Queen discography I am amazed. Later I'll tell you about BlueJacking.

New Stuff Posted [G I]

2008-02-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

Be sure to check some new stuff posted both at my Flickr and YouTube sites. New photo sets including some amazing whale photos and some good videos including "Max VS RoboDog"!

Workplace Stress [G I PI S]

2008-02-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about stress in the workplace. There's not much one can really do to alleviate the majority of the stress, but these things can help - a bit. These either may make someone else feel happier, or your accepting these tenets will help you cope better. Note a lot of these things we learned when we were kids, but some of us have forgotten.

Say "please" and "thank-you" when appropriate.

For exemplary service let the person's boss know they went above and beyond to help you.

Be aware that when a new company policy says it applies to EVERYONE – such as renting a compact car – realize it really doesn’t.

Sometimes a smile and/or a compliment can brighten a person’s day. (note that nowadays however if a man says to a woman “that’s a nice dress” you may find yourself a party to a harassment lawsuit)

Knock on someone's door when entering, even if it is not closed. It even does wonders if one knocks on a cubicle partition; it's just simple courtesy.

If you have a bonus of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars per year more than your subordinates, you do not need to flaunt it by doing things like wearing a solid gold hat to work. SEC filings are public – everyone knows what you “earn”.

Don’t cut in line in the cafeteria; I realize that in some cases it is within the culture of your native country to encourage “cuts” (especially due to mass starvation) but in civilized lands we que up!

Don’t use a speakerphone, especially if you have an open office door or are in a cubicle environment. The President of the US and the Joint Chiefs of staff can use a speakerphone, not you.

Except for when I was speaking with my late grandmother - who was pretty much stone-deaf in her 90s (although she would staunchly proclaim she didn’t need a hearing aid, usually followed by “eh - what did you say?” in her quaint Polish accent) I have found that yelling doesn’t help you communicate any better. (Note that paradoxically this occasionally works with children and non-English speaking individuals, but this is a rare occurrence).

There will always be someone far, far less qualified in an identical job being paid far, far more than you make; that's life.

Companies will always send business to developing countries like China. Not every time is it profitable (for example I recently saw a piñata made in China; there is no way with oil at $90 a barrel that one can ship raw materials to China from the US, make the piñata, and ship it back at a profit compared to being made in Mexico) – it just looks good to investors and everyone else is doing it.

Not everyone appreciates offensive, sexist, ethnicist (is that a word?), misogynist, or ‘locker-room’ humor at work; I certainly do; but not everyone does.

If you ask me an important, detailed question, please realize that: A) it may take more than 45 seconds to research the answer, and 2) you may have to devote more than 45 seconds listening to the answer.

If your company introduces a brand new quality initiative, and someone says it is pretty much the same as the old quality initiative; trust me, they are correct.

Why HP Sucks Ass [AN PG T]

2008-02-06T21:12:00.000-05:00

GREAT tech support story, also an implied "watchout" for manufacturers whose products break when you try to install their own sanctioned software upgrades! Note the background to this story is I was given a broken HP iPaq PDA - my older son and I replaced the screen and the dead internal backup battery, and this was going to be given to someone I work with so they could have a PDA (pretty nice model too, it's no iPhone but it has a keyboard, WiFi, BlueTooth etc.)

Anyway, it was all set, new screen working fine, backup battery reading 100%; so I thought let's see what software updates there are from HP. There were a few, the most important was a ROM update. Without going into too much detail, a ROM update is sort of like a "brain upgrade" for an electronic device. For many, the most familiar ROM update is when you plug in an iPod and you are told a new version of the iPod software is available do you want to install it.

Actual Tech support chat session

Mark says: HP iPaq model 4350 Serial ------; I went to install the HP ROM update 1.10.03 and the iPaq is frozen, it is a blank screen with “i.15” (in red) and “1.03” (in blue) at the top of the screen.

Automatically generated message: A Support specialist, Alan H has been assigned to your case.

Alan H says: Hello Mark, thank you for contacting HP and for your interest in our Active Chat online support. Here is SR ID # for your service request ###### . My name is Alan and I see you have a question regarding your handheld. I'm going to take a few moments to review your information and will message you back very soon. [At least he did not ask "how is the weather?"]

Alan H says: According to our records, your HP iPAQ is no longer covered under its limited warranty. As a result, we are unable to provide in-warranty support at this time. If you wish to proceed, out of warranty Instant Support for your HP iPAQ is available for a $25.00 USD fee. (Please be advised HP Support Services is offered as .best effort. only. Though we do have a high rate of resolution success for most cases, we do not guarantee a resolution nor provide parts through the Instant Support service. The fee will not be refunded if the issue is unresolved.) If you choose not to continue with out of warranty Instant Support, the following service options are available to you: Free online resources, accessed through www.hp.com, include:
Support forums: http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/1,,2,00.html
Manuals: http://welcome.hp.com/country/us/en/support.html
Parts information: http://h20141.www2.hp.com/hpparts/Default.asp
For technical support, please call 1-800-HP-INVENT. There is a $49.00 fee to obtain out of warranty technical support by phone. Should hardware repair of your unit be required; any fees paid for out of warranty support will be deducted from the total unit repair cost. Thank you for your interest in HP.s Instant Support Group. Please note that the billable support offered is best effort only and that we do not guarantee a resolution or provide parts. The issue will be supported for 7 days from the time of the troubleshooting billing fee at which point if the case has not been resolved you will be billed again for additional troubleshooting. The fee will not be refunded if the issue is unresolved. Would you like to proceed with billable chat support?”

Mark says: The only question is that all was fine until I attempted YOUR (HP's) ROM update and it froze. Note GOOGLE for “iPaq 4350 ROM frozen” and you will see this is not an unique occurrence. So you are saying if a customer attempts a ROM update and the device is hosed it is the CUSTOMER'S problem?

Alan H says: There is a license agreement that you accept that says that Hp is not responsible for any data lost or any problems during update.

Mark says: I'm laughing because I just said to someone "I bet that's what they'll say." There is also an implied warranty that the ROM update should work. HP lists several dozen fixes, enhancements or improvements the ROM update takes care of so I would think it is necessary, plus that as the ROM update itself came from HP it should work.

Alan H says: There are no warranties on the ROM updates.

Mark says: In the US there is always an implied warranty on something like a manufacturer's ROM update; please speak to a supervisor or check the facts before saying something so silly. BTW - I have updated ROMs on several Apple laptops, 3 Apple iPods, 2 Palm PDAs and one Samsung Blackjack PDA and - guess what - they never locked up nor failed to work. Thank you anyway, but it is good to know HP does not have any warranty/guarantee on ROM updates.

Alan H says: I have checked agreeing to the license of the update says that Hp [sic] is not responsible for any data lost or any problems during update.

Mark says: Buh-bye [I must admit that sounded childish and I know this is not Total Bastard Airlines]

Alan H says: Mark, I am going to close this support request at this time. You may start a new session and refer to SR ID number ----- . If you should need assistance in the future, please try our Instant Support program again. Thank you again for contacting HP and have a great day. – Alan

**sigh**

Note this is the 21st century and ROM updates should be error-free and about as easy as falling off a log.

Note to HP: tell your tech support people that both the 'H' and the 'P' are capitalized. Jesus.

I also sent an e-mail to the iPaq support forum at HP. The auto-reply message - and I am not making this up - was: "Please note: At this moment we have an issue with this Mail System, your mail cannot reach the Support teams ." They must've been updating their ROMs.

Ode to Science [G RR]

2008-02-06T20:42:00.000-05:00

With all the renewed interest in what one might generously term "pseudo-science"; such as homeopathy, creationism, psychics, astrology, intelligent design and the like in the news lately, this speech was a breath of fresh air. It may be apocryphyl, but it was allegedly used by someone named Phil Plait as a kickoff to a school science fair.

I know a place where the Sun never sets. It's a mountain, and it's on the Moon. It sticks up so high that even as the Moon spins, it's in perpetual daylight. Radiation from the Sun pours down on there day and night, 24 hours a day; well, the Moon's day is actually about 4 weeks long, so the sunlight pours down there 708 hours a day.

I know a place where the Sun never shines. It's at the bottom of the ocean. A crack in the crust there exudes nasty chemicals and heats the water to the boiling point. This would kill a human instantly, but there are creatures there, bacteria, that thrive. They eat the sulfur from the vent, and excrete sulfuric acid.

I know a place where the temperature is 15 million degrees, and the pressure would crush you to a microscopic dot. That place is the core of the Sun.

I know a place where the magnetic fields would rip you apart, atom by atom: the surface of a neutron star, a magnetar.

I know a place where life began billions of years ago. That place is here, the Earth.

I know these places because I'm a scientist. Science is a way of finding things out. It's a way of testing what's real. It's what Richard Feynman called "A way of not fooling ourselves."

No astrologer ever predicted the existence of Uranus, Neptune, or Pluto. No modern astrologer had a clue about Sedna, a ball of ice half the size of Pluto that orbits even farther out. No astrologer predicted the more than 150 planets now known to orbit other suns. But scientists did.

No psychic, despite their claims, has ever helped the police solve a crime. But forensic scientists have, all the time.

It wasn't someone who practices homeopathy who found a cure for smallpox, or polio. Scientists did, medical scientists.

No creationist ever cracked the genetic code. Chemists did. Molecular biologists did.

They used physics. They used math. They used chemistry, biology, astronomy, engineering. They used science.

These are all the things you discovered doing your projects. All the things that brought you here today.

Computers? Cell phones? Rockets to Saturn, probes to the ocean floor, PSP, Gamecubes, Gameboys, X-boxes? All created by scientists.

Those places I talked about before; you can get to know them too. You can experience the wonder of seeing them for the first time, the thrill of discovery, the incredible, visceral feeling of doing something no one has ever done before, seen things no one has seen before, know something no one else has ever known.

No crystal balls, no tarot cards, no horoscopes. Just you, your brain, and your ability to think. Welcome to science. You're gonna like it here.

Windows Patchouli [PG I W]

2008-02-06T20:37:00.000-05:00

REAL e-mail from our "Help Credenza"

Email/Server Access - We have been dealing with problems related to a Microsoft Windows patch. This patch was applied on Sunday during the standard maintenance window for the Data Center. One of the patches was MS05-019 which patched a serious hole in the Operating System. All patches had been tested in a test lab prior to being applied to the production servers. On Monday we started to notice that the patch was causing communications problems for users accessing network resources. During Tuesday and Wednesday we applied a hotfix that Microsoft had released on Sunday to try and repair the problem. It now appears that as of Thursday morning we are continuing to have the same issue. We have taken some measures to try and remedy the problem by applying some parameters changes recommended by Microsoft. We are monitoring the situation and are waiting for Microsoft to release an additional fix/patch.

What the hell were they saying? I don't know if I should keep working or turn off my laptop and cower in the corner sucking my thumb... Oh wait, that's right, I use a Mac!

Makin' Money Any Way I Can [B G S]

2008-02-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

I noticed our current mileage allowance is 44.5 cents per mile. However if you put 1 mile into the expense account spreadsheet, it rounds up to 45 cents. I had a trip where I drove 200 miles, which the form says = $89.

But - if I submit 200 separate expense account pages with 1 mile on each, I would get $90. I would be ahead $1 (90-89).

Reorganization Quote - Sound Familiar? [H I]

2008-02-06T20:27:00.000-05:00

"We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we began to form up into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing - and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization."

Petronius Arbiter 210 B.C.

Super Bowl Coke Symbolism [FE G GY PI]

2008-02-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

For those who saw the Super Bowl Coke commercial, many have not recognized the symbolism.

Now, first we have Stewie Griffin, from the Family Guy cartoon. This cartoon family "lives" in Rhode Island, which is I guess the closest one can get to Massachusetts for a cartoon character; therefore Stewie represents the New England Patriots. Note that William Shatner on Boston Legal has been in a cartoon, but not recent enough for many of the viewers to remember.

The Underdog character has two different aspects of symbolism. He represents the New York Giants, they being the "underdog" in this match. Also Underdog was an anthropomorphic canine version of Superman. People even used a similar catch-phrase: "look up in the sky - it's a bird, it's a plane... it's a frog." Superman lives in the fictional city of Metropolis, which is more or less New York. So we have the underdogs from New York.

Now why Charlie Brown? Obviously the Coca-Cola company cannot have an ad that picks one team over the other. But why Charles, and what's the football connection? As you may remember, Lucy Van Pelt is always pulling the football away from "Chuck" before he can kick it.

Oh, and hey, you've got to hand it to Charles Monroe Schulz, for having Patricia Reichart as the first lesbian cartoon character.

iAccessories [G T]

2008-02-05T07:35:00.000-05:00

Now here's an idea I had; not all that original as the GPS module may see the light of day someday.

Anyway, the idea would be to have very small modules that would clip onto the bottom of the iPhone, matching its width and thickness; from the drawing at right, also available at Flickr. Note that some of these would require custom software that is not yet available.

The infrared module would allow control of appliances like TVs, DVD players, etc. The laser pointer could be used while controlling a slideshow via Salling Clicker, when it is ported to the iPhone. The battery module would have a pass-through connection to allow one additional module to be daisy-chained; it could also re-charge via the standard iPod connector. The GPS example here has a fold-out antenna for better reception. The small camera flash module (turned around to face the same direction as the camera) is similar in concept to others available for camera-phones. The FireWire/USB module allows the use of other cables to connect/synch/charge the iPhone. The same with the Ethernet RJ-45 connector; you could connect to a wired network where WiFi is not available or not allowed as the iPhone is not an approved device. And lastly, a memory card reader to allow transfer of photos from your camera's memory card to the iPhone, to allow easier synching as well as being able to e-mail photos while in the field.

iPrediction from 2007 [B, T]

2008-01-31T19:41:00.000-05:00

I wrote this for an iPhone contest that Gizmodo was having in July 2007. I decided to post it as apparently it is going to be a viable product some day.

Entry Name: iEyes; visual communication and augmented reality device.

Description: A set of contact lenses that sends and receives wireless data from various sources via a separate miniature “basestation” that one would carry with them. The basestation is not shown in these examples but it could be pen-sized or wristwatch-shaped. There is also an optional control pad, either a FingerPad (about the size and shape of a poker chip) or a TonguePad that one wears clipped behind the upper incisors.

Function: The iEyes essentially conveys data from the wearer’s cell phone, Blackberry, media player, GPS device, etc. Visual data is presented to the user similar to the goggles one can buy today to watch movies on a virtual widescreen.

Power Source: The iEyes have built in solar cells to power themselves off of ambient light; with capacitive electricity storage when in a dark room.

Feasibility: With emerging technologies like flexible electronic circuits, conductive plastics, nanotechnology-based super capacitors, multi-element lenses and the like, iEyes could be manufactured as early as 2009 for government use; with less expensive consumer-priced versions by 2012.

The iEye would appear to the casual observer to be nothing more than a contact lens. If one looked closer you could see that there is something a bit different about it. The lenses would be worn in pairs, built-in sensors would keep the screen aligned with the vertical and horizontal so it does not matter how the lenses are put in the eye. A preferences setting could override this, say if you were lying on your side and watching a movie; the virtual screen orientation would be rotated 90 degrees so the movie appears correct from your point of view.

This is the optional TonguePad worn behind the front teeth that lets you control basic functions such as answering a phone, scrolling e-mail text or playing a movie. As mentioned earlier, the basestation is not shown, but it could be pen-sized or wristwatch-shaped. The basestation would have connections to various devices, probably by high-speed wireless modules; somewhat akin to Bluetooth without the limitations of battery life and data transmission rates.

When a phone call is received, the phone number and person calling is seen by the iEyes wearer. The yellow arrow pointing towards the phone means a call is coming in from that person; pointing away from the phone means the call is going out to that person from the iEyes wearer. The iEyes – using data from the built-in cameras – continually adjusts text colors to be in contrast with the ambient environment. Calls can be answered by either touching the phone keypad, a button on the basestation, or blinking both eyes in rapid succession. If using the optional TonguePad – as this user is – one can either click the green circle (which means “yes” or “accept”) or the red stopsign (which means “no” or “ignore”). The cursor is by default indicative of what is being used to control it, such as a tongue if using the TonguePad.

When reading e-mail received on a Blackberry or iPhone, the message is scrolled up and down by using the blue arrows; the envelope means “reply” and the “go back” arrow means to go back to the list of e-mails. The yellow triangle at the end of the message text means there is more text to scroll down to read, when scrolling down a similar triangle appears at the top. To reply with the FingerPad or TonguePad there are user-defined phrases like “I will call you” or “Please forward to Ms. Lyons at my office.” To actually type a message one could use the virtual keyboard text entry function but this could be laborious. Ideally one would use a small optional keyboard or the keyboard on their phone or Blackberry. In this example the cursor is a finger, which indicates the FingerPad is being used.

Playing movies is one of the most basic yet amazing features of the iEyes. You see movies – depending on source of course – as equivalent in quality up to a 1080p high definition video. In this example the green triangle is less transparent meaning the movie is playing. Some of the features include the ability to have the movie very transparent so as not to obscure one’s view, or to have the background almost opaque. If wearing the TonguePad this is accomplished by clicking the contrast control and sliding the tongue to the left or right. In a darkened room the movies need no backlighting as the images are formed by OLEDs (organic light-emitting diodes) which generate light themselves.

When using the GPS function for directions, the directions are overlaid on top of what you are seeing. Spoken directions can be also sent to either your phone’s speaker or headset. One can also switch to the metric and real system of measurement.

Embedded in the lens are millions of tiny light-detecting elements, each with their own lens. The concept has been demonstrated in making lenses that function similar to an insect’s compound eye. In this case the (at least in the first version) there would be no zoom feature. A 5 megapixel picture is taken by either clicking a button on the basestation, using the optional FingerPad or TonguePad (in this case) to click the onscreen “shutter release” button, or winking twice in rapid succession with one eye. When the picture is taken software in the basestation decides which eye is seeing the better image and uses that data. An optional feature snaps a photo using both images; since this is a 3-dimensional photo the image can be viewed on a computer screen or TV with special polarized accessory glasses preserving the 3D view.

One of the most amazing features of the iEyes works in conjunction with an Internet connection through the phone as well as the yet-to-be-announced GoogleEyes service from Google. With GoogleEyes turned on, when you look at an object and request data, GoogleEyes attempts to identify the object (giving a confidence for the identification) as well as providing a definition from a user-defined source, in this case Wikipedia.

Mercury [G. P]

2008-01-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

Someone sent me a link from the New York Times about deadly levels of mercury in tuna, and how we are all going to die agonizing, pain-wracked deaths from mercury poisoning. Now as I an involved with environmental issues as a real, educated, trained professional - unlike some others - I would like to calm your fears.

Let's start with researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health who reported in the February 2002 Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine that they could not find mercury-related health effects among a group of regular swordfish consumers.

In 2006, Phil Davidson from the University of Rochester Medical School, presented results of a unique 10-year study of more than 700 children living in the Seychelles Islands. The children's mothers averaged 12 meals of fish a week – about 10 times the average fish consumption of individuals in the United States – and those fish contained high levels of methylmercury. Yet cognitive tests on the children, taken multiple times over the years, found no cognitive defects or other maladies normally attributed to mercury absorption.

Our own EPA has said "Human-caused U.S. mercury emissions are estimated to account for roughly 3 percent of the global total, and U.S. coal-fired power plants are estimated to account for only about 1 percent." The main sources of mercury in the environment are erosion into rivers of naturally-occurring mercury and volcanoes.

We do know that exposure to extremely high levels of mercury can be harmful. There were mass poisonings in Japan's Minamata Bay in the 1950s and in Iraq in the 1970s. However, the former was due to direct methylmercury discharge to the bay, and the latter was due to people eating seed corn that was supposed to be planted that had been fumigated with methylmercury.

Now there are people who try to link an illness to mercury in the environment; but they ignore the more important potential root cause. What licit and illicit drugs were the parents ingesting prior to and - in the mother's case - post conception?

My favorite in the mercury discussions is people like Carol Browner, who was a vocal critic of president Bush's administration's plans to reduce mercury emissions. She doesn't like to mention that she was the EPA Chief under President Clinton, and she did nothing to reduce mercury emissions.

My favorite mercury-related quote comes from Steven Milloy, the editor of a website devoted to battling "junk science" and author of several books on the subject. Speaking about Ms. Browner (and Ms. Clinton and Ms. Boxer, who were at the same rally) he asked plainly: "Show me the person in the U.S. who has gotten sick from eating fish because of mercury. Where are the bodies? Where are the illnesses?"

I do not know of any.

Mark orders HD from Charter [B, H, PI, T)

2008-01-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

It's funny how the last thing we all need in our lives is more stress, yet the Fates seem to always conspire against us. As a way of helping to alleviate the slightly-increased (like the moon is 'slightly' larger than my thumbnail) stress at work, I had finally made the splurge to get a DVR with High Definition cable service from Charter for the big-screen HDTV I earned from a book I illustrated.

Anyway, my older son and I went to get haircuts, and while we were gone the Charter Worker Bee installed the HD/DVR. Now I can't blame my wife or other son, but all that was installed was a DVR. That's great, so I can save episodes of "24" (and dump them to my computer to make a DVD, but that's another story) but no High Definition signal.

In calling Charter, the first person I spoke to offered the hillbilly-like explanation that "all our DVR's got HD"; I kindly did not try to correct their grammar, but did ask them (to gauge their approximate E.I.Q. [Electronics Intelligence Quotient, very important if working for an electronics-related company]) if they realize that either a "Component-" or "HDMI-output" is needed to get the High Definition signal to the TV?

They confirmed they did know that, then inexplicably proceeded to tell me that connecting the yellow, red and white 'plugs' (i.e. analog TV, Left & Right audio RCA-connectors) to the TV would give me HD. Gritting my teeth so hard I could feel flecks of enamel delaminating, I explained that no, "that is an analog signal" as the barely-legible 4th generation copy of a FAXed manual left for me confirmed - the abbreviation SDTV meaning "Standard Definition TV". The operant word being "Standard" which means "not-HD".

She offered to transfer me to their Service line; I was at least fairly hopeful, as you figure, well Service must have a higher EIQ. Right? I was at least optimistic as I could audibly detect a lack of alcohol on their breath.

I was feeling really in the groove when Service said that Charter had made a mistake (hooray!) and that even though it was in the call notes (yaaay!!) from my phone order last month, the High Def order hadn't been put on the work order (hallelujah!!) and that (warning: aneurysm-inducing quote follows) once they turned on the HD at their end, the DVR would be outputting an HD signal to the TV (what-the-F***?!).

I explained that this model DVR wouldn't output High Definition if Charter sent 50,000 volts through it (with apologies to Monty Python and their Parrot Sketch); and plain-and-simple that I need a different model of DVR. My hopes quickly sank, as the Service person said they would check on that.

As I knew 100% I was right, I repeatedly tried to convince the Charter lady that she needed to provide another model DVR. As that wasn't helping, I asked what other models do they carry, and I could check for her. She suggested the Motorola BMC9012; a quick Google for the model did confirm Component output.

(Parenthetically I should add that one of my dreams is to found a Web search engine, using an obscure obscene reference, such as www.felching.com or www.frotteur.com; so some day when Wolf Blitzer says "We did a quick Felching to look that up" several million people will spray milk out of their noses at once.)

I could sense my blood pressure dropping to near 3:00 PM-at-work levels. I hopefully asked if this was something she could call the Installer Bromide and see if they could swing back by. I was told perhaps either one of the biggest lies or one of the stupidest things I heard in 2007. She said they take only the equipment to complete that one day's work orders.

Now think about how banal that statement is. Some electronics are dead out of the box, or some people getting one DVR might decide to have another installed that day. Or even (like me) Charter might occasionally once a decade make a mistake in the work order. I gave the Charter lady these scenarios, and asked her to check to be sure. She did, and said if I wanted to reschedule it would be the earliest next Saturday or we could exchange the DVR today a few towns over at a Charter office.

I did some quick thinking, weighing the minor inconvenience of driving to get the proper DVR, against the intense personal satisfaction of next weekend having the Service Slug do the install while kneeling on a large plastic sheet I had laid out previous to their arrival, as I donned a Tyvek coverall while standing near the new Ronco/Showtime knife set in our kitchen ("Look at that folks, how much would you pay for a knife that goes through bone, meat, gristle and sinew, yet is still sharp enough to cut this tomato paper thin?"), with a spray bottle of bleach-solution nearby, all the while ruminating about the deep, freshly-dug hole in the woods way, way in back of our house, across a stream where no one ever ventures… (Insert Giorgio Moroder's music from Hitchcock's Psycho shower scene here)

I decided I want to see the new House episode this Tuesday in glorious High Definition. I'll write up sometime the rest of the conversation; wherein I innocently asked if she could check to see if the Charter store ACTUALLY HAD the model DVR in stock, wherein I was told "they don't have a phone there".

Homeland (in)Security [AN, G. P]

2008-01-21T21:16:00.000-05:00

As one can see, the good ol' boys at the TSA don't catch everything. In the case of a utility knife, here's is what happened. An older gentleman in front of me had a Swiss Army Knife about 1-1/2 inches long. He did not know that this was a danger and forbidden. In the excitement and zeal to stop this potential terrorist, the person behind him (me) was essentially ignored.

Now it is true, that is a "safety knife" sort of utility knife, but one could still do some serious damage with it. Sort of makes me wonder if airport security lines are really worth it.

In a related note, on a different flight the TSA did confiscate a friend's IKEA horseradish. Now to be fair to the TSA if she had somehow been able to use her 115-pound frame to disable the Air Marshall and break open the door to the cockpit, she could have certainly blinded the pilots, leading to disaster.

Shaving the GPS [FE, T]

2008-01-19T19:57:00.000-05:00

GPS (Global Positions Systems) receivers are wonderful devices. In a true example of the "swords to plowshares" concept, here we have a technology designed to let us rain glorious nuclear death upon Ivan (lately of the USSR) courtesy of SAC's B52-G and B52-H 'buff' fleet, instead being used by yuppies enjoying geocaching.

With a proliferation of GPS units, I have noticed something that I would like to go on record as quoting a 'catch phrase' that should enter the lexicon probably mid-2008. That term is "shaving the GPS" or it can also be stated as "GPS shaving". What I mean by this is that once you enter the destination, and the GPS unit churns a bit, it tells you where to go and - in most units - has the estimated arrival time. This is obviously calculated via a complex algorithm that is beyond most of our comprehension, but it is every male reader's duty to Shave that GPS.

If the estimated arrival time says 5:35, I want at least 2 minutes cut off; I do not care if it is a 4 mile drive to the CVS.

Short Global Warming Lesson [AN, PI, T]

2008-01-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

A lot of people point to US climate data maintained by NASA, and how 1998 is the hottest year on record, which "proves" global warming. A lot of people do not know that NASA made a small error - essentially a 'Y2K' calculation error.

The actual NASA data is available here, but the main summary is this:

1934 is now the hottest year on record, not 1998.

5 of the top 10 hottest years are before WWII.

Intel's CEO's Dirty Secret [A T]

2008-01-17T21:02:00.000-05:00

Intel's CEO Paul Otellini has a secret. Until recently, his company's chips did not power Apple's products. In fact, it was sort of an IBM/Motorola VS Intel stance.

In a Businessweek article, he admits that not only do he and his wife have iPhones, but his personal computer of choice is a MacBook.

10 Ways to Say You Have an iPhone [A, S]

2008-01-17T20:50:00.000-05:00

I really like my iPhone, and plan to write a much more detailed article about what it can and cannot do; and what several Websites say it can't do. However, for now I present:

The Top 10 Ways to tell People You Have an iPhone
10) Get a number like (area code) x-474663, so you can say something like "call me at 860 4-iPhone".
9) Have a bumper sticker made that says "iPhone - iGot".
8) When answering a call, be sure to say something like "hello, this is me speaking on my new iPhone."
7) Do not wear a watch; when someone asks the time, pull out your iPhone, and say "the iPhone says it is 10:45."
6) Also wear the matching iHat, iSocks, iBelt and iScarf.
5) Change the ringtone to the sound of Gilbert Gottfried screeching loudly "HELLO, HELLO, there's a call on your new iPhone!"
4) Do not speak about any topic without working the phrase "iPhone" into at least every third sentence.
3) Change your voicemail to say, "I am not available, but be sure to leave a voicemail on my new iPhone, which has the unique feature that shows me a list of voicemails and I can listen to them in any order".
2) Purchase the optional forehead- or chin-mounted iPhone holster.
1) At least 4 times per hour at random intervals wave the iPhone over your head while running in circles yelling "look at me, look at me - I have a frickin' iPhone!!!"

Not Everyone Likes the iPhone... [AN, PI, R]

2008-01-17T20:47:00.000-05:00

Of course, not everyone likes the iPhone. Maddox, popular author and publisher of The Best Page in the Universe, apparently dislikes the iPhone.

Shirt Color [G]

2008-01-17T07:30:00.000-05:00

I had an odd thing happen yesterday at work. On three separate occasions a woman commented that they really, really liked the color of the shirt I was wearing. Now - as I retain literally billions of pieces of useless information - I realized that these women might be tertachromats. And now you dear reader know a new word: tetrachromacy.

2008 Predictions Update [AN, PI]

2008-01-15T04:41:00.000-05:00

Now, I am not one to sound zenophobic. After all, my camera and car are from Japan, my beer from Belgium and England, clothing from Pakistan, and my gasoline from the Middle East. If you recall, one of my predictions was that China would release a tainted product that would result in a "serious loss of life".

That has thankfully not happened, but the latest craze from China is to use asbestos in child's toys! And not just once! For those that don't understand why, all industrialized nations and most developing countries understand about quality and purity. Although not as stringent as the German 'Reinheitsgebot', usually you can be assured if you buy something it is not tainted with dangerous or toxic ingredients. In China, as the economy is growing exponentially, competition is of biblical proportions. Subcontractors undercut subcontractors, manufacturers change the type of plastic used if it will save them $2 per thousand. And they do not quite yet grasp the concept of 'critical component' in an item.

I mean could it be any worse? What is next from China, perhaps something akin to Maimway Industries as seen on Saturday Night Live. Here Dan Ackroyd played toy magnate Irwin Maimway, who hawked such gems as Bag o' Glass and Johnny Human Torch Set (oily rags and a lighter).

My guess is uranium-tainted pacifiers.

New Photos and YouTube Videos [G]

2008-01-14T19:02:00.000-05:00

I have posted more photos on my Flickr account. I have also taken the plunge to start putting things onto YouTube as well.

I have also posted a photo of the equipment I use to edit blogs and capture photos and videos - some secretly - all the equipment fits in your pockets!

Adventures of Captain Literal [H, S]

2008-01-11T17:55:00.000-05:00

Everyone has their nemesis, their Lex Luthor, their Newman, their Sheriff of Nottingham. One of my alter-egos is Captain Literal who ceaselessly battles against those who bother him. Be it those who abuse and destroy the English language. The "Literal" comes from a combination of accepting something literally, to literature, which ties in the grammar, etc. (You could also throw in the Liter from the metric system, but we all hate the metric system).

Anyway, Captain Literal had his latest adventure when Dr. Douche asked him about what the conditions would be in a parking garage. In Boston. On a Tuesday. At 1:30 PM. Their question was thus - "What are the odds of me getting a parking spot there this afternoon?" Pausing, Captain Literal weighs the options; should I pretend to understand and give the 'correct' answer, or just swing into action. Seventeen milliseconds later, Captain Literal replies, "The odds of you getting a space are 50-50."

Later that day, Dr. Douche reappeared, and said something to the effect that there were no parking spots anywhere. "Of course" Captain Literal replied " the odds of your getting a space were 50-50, the probability of your finding a space was less than 1 percent."

Origin of Drinking? [FE, PI, RR, S]

2008-01-08T20:25:00.000-05:00

We visited a couple who bought a new house, but due to an odd chain of events it was their 2nd house/move in the same year. I was sympathizing with my friend - while drinking a beer - and asked how did you cope (as the 2nd move was right before Christmas) with the "move the couch here, no here; wait HERE" sort of thing. He looked at the beer, and chuckled. It then hit me.

As long ago as 200,000 years, a Neanderthal couple with kids in tow, found a new cave to move into. (Note if you do not believe in evolution this never happened; if you are fanatically religious it happened about 3,000 years ago) Anyway, said couple has moved in, and the female is having her mate move the rocks into different spots, clear out dead animals, rearrange the moss, etc. He spots a rainwater-filled depression in some rocks outside, that has collected a bunch of overripe fruit from nearby trees.

Drawn by the sickly-sweet smell, he tastes the fermented liquid, and is intrigued by the new, unusual taste and not-unpleasant burning in his throat. He then notices something - his mate's voice now does not sound so shrill; the throbbing in his head is diminished. A few more drinks and he does not care what she is having him move around in the cave. A few more sips and she looks more and more like what she did when he met behind the tar pits, lo those many, many moons ago.

So here is to that unknown ancestor who first discovered one of the beneficial uses of alcohol - I lift my glass to you.

Great Bar Trivia [G, F]

2008-01-05T05:17:00.000-05:00

A great bit of trivia for a bar bet; the Skipper's name on Gilligan's Island? It was only mentioned once in the episode where they hear a radio announcement of his indictment for being a bad captain (which he was later exonerated in absentia). His name - Jonas Grumby.

Note for our female reader, guys often like to make up mindless bets, wagers or challenges (like "I bet I can eat 10 pickled eggs") while under the influence of alcohol. Don't make fun of us, as alcohol has a lot to do with how we met you.

What is it with Head Shaving? [AN, PG, PI]

2008-01-05T04:52:00.000-05:00

Lately at work and elsewhere I have noticed a phenomenon that I find vaguely upsetting. What is it with 35 and under - usually white - men shaving their heads, ostensibly to hide their baldness?

I mean, are they fooling us into thinking they are "cool" in a Yul Brenner or Isaac Hayes sort of way? I don't think so. And when their 2:00 shadow appears and we see the pattern of their remaining hair growth they look even more retarded. Shaved heads on a group of white males reminds me of Hitler' Jungsturm. At least they don't wear neckerchiefs and armbands. Not yet anyway.

Everyone has some sort of shortcoming, some are short, some are overweight, some are even cursed with unusually large genitalia; if you are balding, just go with it. There is nothing wrong with going bald, and some of my best friends are losing their hair. True I am sometimes reminded of my uncles on either side of the family and think "momsgenesmomsgenesmomegenes please" but if baldness comes to it I will accept; possibly doing a comb-over as long as I can.

I suggest following George Carlin's advice, leave your hair alone and it will all fall out eventually.

DVD Format Wars Almost Over? [AN, PG, T]

2008-01-05T04:24:00.000-05:00

I love technology. Not in a sick sort of Michael Jackson sort of love, but a clean, wholesome manly John-Wayne-holding-his-best-girl's-hand-in-the-sunset sort of love for all things that have blinking lights, backlight screens and that go "bing". So why do I not have either an HD-DVD or a Blu-Ray DVD player to go with my 50" plasma? Well, precisely because there is the choice of either an HD-DVD or a Blu-Ray player!!

I mean I could buy a combo player, which on my bonus I doubt, or just make the plunge and choose, but that would be making the metaphorical "Sophie's Choice" between Harry Potter and the Matrix. You also have to marvel at the pig-headedness of the company executives; does no one recall the great format war of last millennium; the great Beta vs VHS debacle? I won't mention the AM-stereo format war, as I was until now only one of 17 people aware there actually is AM stereo available, much less a war (perhaps skirmish is more accurate?).

Manufacturer's usually try to agree on a format so that their equipment is interoperable. Look at electrical wall plugs (true they differ for each country, but that's a future rant); CDs, pencils and pencil sharpeners for heaven's sake. For major companies in this day and age to have two competing formats is irresponsible and reprehensible.

Which brings me to this - the HD-DVD Group has cancelled a press conference at this year's CES, as Warner has chosen to go Blu-Ray exclusively. Looks like it's Blu-Ray, which although the spelling is puerile it is easier to pronounce.

Oh the humanity... [A, FE]

2008-01-03T21:59:00.000-05:00

Once again Tom Dickson at WillItBlend.com has done his test, with of all things a precious iPhone!

Resolutions [AN, PG]

2008-01-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

My resolutions were very short this year:
1) Absolutely no "F-bombs" at home.
2) Diet (yeah right).
3) Totally ignore ignorant people. who just torque me off to no end.
4) Work on that novel more frequently.
5) Try to have no more than 5 entries in blogs.

New Photo Blog [G]

2008-01-02T20:32:00.000-05:00

I was going to put a link to an older photoblog I had at Textamerica, when I read this disturbing message:

Notice of Termination,
Upon our dismay, despite our best efforts to provide the most comprehensive and versatile moblogging platform in the world, maintenance costs have far exceeded budgeted expenses to such an extremity, the financial burden of continuing service is too high for us to bear in 2008.

In result, effective December 1, 2007, Textamerica will cease to provide moblog services to both individual and commercial users. Textamerica users have until November 30, 2007 to access existing moblogs and remove and/or archive moblog images. Textamerica domains will no longer be accessible After December 1, 2007.

Thanks for the e-mail notice guys! I tried to use the WayBack Machine to get the older photos but no-go. I do have them all but it will take some time to get them all replaced.

Anyway my pictures will be on Flickr at http://www.flickr.com/photos/opusmark/

Hunting without drinking... [PG, S]

2008-01-01T16:06:00.001-05:00

Remember: hunting without drinking is like, well, fishing.

(yes that is someone having a cigarette shot out of their mouth while on a hunting trip)

Predictions for 2008 [G]

2008-01-01T14:37:00.000-05:00

Mark's Predictions for 2008

1) Gasoline prices will top $4.50 by mid-year, then will fall precipitiously and by year’s end will drop to around $2.50 or less.

2) The proliferation of benevolent GPS technology will lead to a lack of arguments while driving; resulting in the US divorce rate dropping to a post-WWII low.

3) A China export – whether it is tainted foodstuff, a deadly toy, or counterfeit drug – will result in a serious loss of life. It may be a stressed population like the elderly or children, but there will be victims numbering in the hundreds or thousands.

4) When the writer’s strike is finally settled, it will turn out viewers did not care there was a strike. They were content to watch re-runs, their DVD collection, and video downloads.

5) J. K. Rowling will be unable to resist the lure and officially announce an 8th book in the Harry Potter mythos.

6) Apple's iPhone will outsell BlackBerry and Windows Mobile devices, and become the most popular mobile Web browsing device of 2008 (oh wait, this happened already!)

7) DNA analysis of hair and scat samples from the creature known colloquially as Bigfoot or Sasquatch will confirm that the creature is a real, separate species possibly a Gigantopithecus or Neanderthal.

8) The XM/Sirius satellite radio merger will finally be allowed to take place. However, a family’s use of satellite radio will result in fighting over Comedy vs. Stern vs. Broadway vs. Oprah vs. NPR vs. NASCAR. This will increase divorce rates, resulting in a zero sum gain offsetting GPS user's reduced divorce rates.

9) The beleaguered Tesla Motors in California will not ship their electric sports car in 2008; due to well publicized problems with transmissions and senior management, they will not ship until 2009.

10) Several of 2008's notable returns – such as the Indiana Jones movie and Gladiators on TV – will tank due to lack of viewer interest.